Forgiveness
It is a chilly night. I love nights like this. Natural cool breezes with no humidity sticking to my skin :) I've just finished tidying another closet of mine. Yes, I've been tidying and tidying. Found stashes of magazine cut-outs and filed them into various folders. Decluttering my life bit by bit whilst trying to achieve some simplicity in my personal life.
Dinner was simple. Nothing fancy. Spicy stir-fried sweet potato leaves, wintermelon & carrot soup, and pork ribs. Dad had a chat with me about the coming wedding and the likes.
"I visited cousin the other day and told him you wanna serve him tea. He teared," Dad said.
Teared? "How come??"
"His own daughter didn't even inform him that she's getting married.. none of them invited him. So when I told him you asked him to come for your wedding, he felt very touched. At least he's remembered."
"Huh....... A bit much lah his daughter. Anyways he's an elder, of course I must serve him tea. Tell him just come and not give too much angpow ok?"
The talk got me thinking just now while I was tidying my closet. As much as I know that cousin-uncle had disappointed his family through his alcoholic ways, but that was like......... 10 years ago? I wonder what mighty wrong he has done to his family for his daughter to hate him so much. It makes me shudder... that human beings like you and me can hold so much hatred in their hearts. It makes me shudder, again, to know that his daughter refused to let her kid know about the existence of a grandfather. To them, cousin-uncle is as good as dead.
Perhaps some people need to remember hurt in order to have strength to go on with life. I really don't know. Maybe it gives them a purpose in life. Maybe it distracts them from thinking what they really want from themselves out of the lives they are living. Maybe it serves as a justification for their actions which they feel ashamed to have committed but too proud to admit wrong. I have observed people who are unwilling to let go because they've not come to terms with what has happened. They clamour onto the past, digging their talons into the hurt and making themselves miserable and bitter.... whilst still holding grudge that they have been let down..... and not realising that the only people they are hurting ultimately, is themselves. It's a bit like drinking poison and hoping the other person would die. Wouldn't Life be a lot more easier if you made peace that shit has happened and take the lesson from there?
I know it's always easier to look from the outside. But I honestly think that only with true forgiveness and letting go, that you'll truly understand and appreciate the lesson behind it all. I've also learnt over the years that it eats me up to bear grudges and contain toxic emotions within me. Things like hatred, anger, paranoia, envy, jealousy, sadness, and you get the point.
A timely reminder to myself to make peace with certain parts in my life. I can only pray that these people will open their hearts soon and set themselves free from self-inflicted misery. Because Life is seriously too short to be choking yourself with bitterness.
Don't you think so? :)
Dinner was simple. Nothing fancy. Spicy stir-fried sweet potato leaves, wintermelon & carrot soup, and pork ribs. Dad had a chat with me about the coming wedding and the likes.
"I visited cousin the other day and told him you wanna serve him tea. He teared," Dad said.
Teared? "How come??"
"His own daughter didn't even inform him that she's getting married.. none of them invited him. So when I told him you asked him to come for your wedding, he felt very touched. At least he's remembered."
"Huh....... A bit much lah his daughter. Anyways he's an elder, of course I must serve him tea. Tell him just come and not give too much angpow ok?"
The talk got me thinking just now while I was tidying my closet. As much as I know that cousin-uncle had disappointed his family through his alcoholic ways, but that was like......... 10 years ago? I wonder what mighty wrong he has done to his family for his daughter to hate him so much. It makes me shudder... that human beings like you and me can hold so much hatred in their hearts. It makes me shudder, again, to know that his daughter refused to let her kid know about the existence of a grandfather. To them, cousin-uncle is as good as dead.
Perhaps some people need to remember hurt in order to have strength to go on with life. I really don't know. Maybe it gives them a purpose in life. Maybe it distracts them from thinking what they really want from themselves out of the lives they are living. Maybe it serves as a justification for their actions which they feel ashamed to have committed but too proud to admit wrong. I have observed people who are unwilling to let go because they've not come to terms with what has happened. They clamour onto the past, digging their talons into the hurt and making themselves miserable and bitter.... whilst still holding grudge that they have been let down..... and not realising that the only people they are hurting ultimately, is themselves. It's a bit like drinking poison and hoping the other person would die. Wouldn't Life be a lot more easier if you made peace that shit has happened and take the lesson from there?
I know it's always easier to look from the outside. But I honestly think that only with true forgiveness and letting go, that you'll truly understand and appreciate the lesson behind it all. I've also learnt over the years that it eats me up to bear grudges and contain toxic emotions within me. Things like hatred, anger, paranoia, envy, jealousy, sadness, and you get the point.
A timely reminder to myself to make peace with certain parts in my life. I can only pray that these people will open their hearts soon and set themselves free from self-inflicted misery. Because Life is seriously too short to be choking yourself with bitterness.
Don't you think so? :)
posted by urbanGem at
21:51
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