Problem

It is only this morning that I realise clearly, that I have a problem.

I have a problem loving people and accepting being loved in return.
So fortunate am I to have received unconditional love at certain stages in my life. Yet somehow somewhere along the line, I pushed it too far and got burnt in return.

I'm starting to question if I've been too spoilt by love. Not thinking for others enough.. insisting on my own ways.. and in the end making the people around me who loves me unhappy.

I haven't got a clue how to balance things sometimes. Between my needs and other people's needs.. My family's needs and my personal relationship needs... My friends' needs and my work needs. I suck at it.. As what I've learnt this morning.

He needn't have given in but he did.. Angry yes. But he still gave me what I wanted..
As the car ploughed along TPE to my house, I felt not happy but extremely lousy. I had gotten my way, but at the expense of my loved one? And he's late for work already..... I was indeed too much, too unreasonable. :___(

I left the car feeling angry and lousy at myself. I didn't kiss him before I alighted cos I felt ashamed. The unconditional love puts me to shame from time to time and this is one of them.

I'm a lousy gf.. selfish one too. When it comes to my family I'm equally bad. I talk about not taking people for granted, and yet I commit that crime when I don't remind myself. I mean, should I even be reminding myself not to take people for granted? Is this normal human nature? Or is it just the soul of a spoilt-endless person doing what she's best at - hurting people who loves her?

I realise I do have a problem.