Women

One of the many many things I lurve about women.. is that we discuss about things. We talk.. We share. We bond via this simple act of sharing what's troubling us, just like men bond over physical activity and beer. Had a couple of bonding sessions with galpals these past few nights, over smokes and drinks as we talked about the interesting faucets of life. Namely relationships..

Just had my caffeine+nicotine session with Kate. She's been feeling fed up over relationship stuff and seriously, who hasn't? On Sunday I had dinner with Jos and she too, has been considering being single again. On both sessions, similar things were discussed and opinions thrown to-n-fro. I'd say it has given me insights too into the dynamics of men-women relationships. One thing that Kate said really got stuck in my head. She said she knows about Jessen's lacking areas (for e.g. lack of chivalry), and yet chose to "never mind it" while subconsciously thinking he would change. Then I pointed out that's precisely the problem with many of us girls! We step into a relationship thinking that the man would change his whatever lacking or 'getting-on-our-nerves' traits. Jos was that too... hoping Ryan would be more open, talk more, spend more time with her.. etc etc and etc.

I totally understand where you're coming from girlfriends. But I've realised it's not healthy at all. You have to face yourself and ask yourself if you can stay with this man and ACCEPT him. His ways, his habits, his character and all. If you keep giving in and tolerating, while at the back of your mind thinking "maybe my tolerance will pay off one day and he'll change because he loves me", then I bet my money that you are gonna end up damn unhappy.

A lot of girls I notice too, enter a relationship with certain expectations that differ a hell lot from men. When we're single, we watch our own backs and we don't expect someone to do this or that for us. When we're attached, all that independence suddenly takes a second seat. Cos hey! If i wanna do all that by myself, I might as well stay single and not get attached right? Hence the expectation that our men will (and OUGHT to) help us run errands etc. Which unfortunately, gets misinterpreted by men as being "dependant" or "needy" or worse, "sticky".

Men on the other hand, wooed us when we're single and free-spirited girls who fend for themselves (I'm talking about most normal cases where both parties are unattached). That is the woman he was attracted to, and he expects her to stay that way when they get together. He certainly didn't expect her to become more demanding, and so didn't pay much attention I guess. Perhaps that's why women often wistfully comment that men were so much nicer during the chase and lazy after getting the catch.

I once read a story about a married woman being unhappy with her husband. After they got married, the flowers stopped. The gifts stopped. And the romantic poems all gone too. He's so caught up in his work that she feels neglected. She's being taken fer granted, cos' her husband isn't putting in enough efforts to maintain their relationship at all. It's always her thinking of new places to go, new ideas to spice up their relationship, her giving in and accompanying his friends.

5 yrs down the road, disheartened by his fading affection, she gave him an ultimatum. He was shocked. After a long while, he asked what can he do to change her mind. She answered slowly, "If there's a flower I want on a mountain cliff, and we both know that making u pick it will cause death. will u do it for me?". He replied, "I'll give u my answer tomorrow."

Her heart sank. He doesn't love her enough to go through the ordeal for her. The next morning she received his note on the dining table, "Honey, I will not pluck that flower for u. But please allow me to further explain the reasons." This 1st line has already broken her heart. She continued reading.

"You always leave your housekeys behind, I need to save my legs to rush home and open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I need my eyes to lead you the way.

You always have cramps whenever your "good friend" comes every month, I need my palm so I can calm your tummy cramps. You like to stay indoors, and I worry you'll be infected by infantile autism. I need to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories about my day to cure your boredom.

You're always on the computer, and that do no good to your eyes, I've to save my eyes so when we grow older, I can clip your nails and remove those annoying white hairs. I'll hold your hand, stroll down the beach, and enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sands... Tell you the color of flowers, just like the glow on your young face...

Thus my dear, before I'm sure there's someone who loves you more than I do.. I'll not pick the flower, n die... "

That's life, or some said, love. Despite being surrounded by love, when the feeling of excitement fades away, one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. And it's easy to overlook the small little things because simply, they're so dull. In your mind, you still want the fireworks, the big surprise dinner, or giant bouquet of roses. One buddy has grown quite sick of her boyfriend and is spending more time with a new guy. I told her she's attracted to this new guy cos' he fills in her current beau's lacking areas. But that's about it. And it's because she focused on his lacking areas that made him look so bad... Has she tried shifting her focus to the times he was there for her?

I guess Love shows itself in any form, even in the most insignificant or corny form. It could also be the most incurious form. Flowers, romantic moments is only the buckish formed on the surface of the relationship. Under all these, the pillar of true love stands. And that's what life should be too. Materialistic things are only add-ons and accessories. The real hardy stuff that sees us through tough times are our values systems, family and frienship.

Daddy

21/05/05 (Saturday 11.50am)
Dad came home with food around 10plus this morning. We left house together since I needed to go office tie up some stuff.. As we made our way to the carpark, I was suddenly filled with an overwhelming sense of pride for the man walking 2 steps ahead of me.

Hidden beneath that stout figure and grey hair, is a noble spirit who loves his family unconditionally. My eyes welled suddenly, and I had to blink the emotions away. It's a weird feeling.. I've never felt a pride as strongly before. Not for this man.. not for any other person i believe, in the years to come. But in that fleeting instance of realizing how much sacrifices he had made for us.. for me.. I remembered something he told me on one of those rare talks we had.

"After your grandmother passed away, I had no one to share my downs with.. you were young then and your mother's too sheltered to understand."

Hence I dedicate this piece to him, for his unwavering strength and dedication in his role. For being a loving and understanding husband to my mother, for being there when I needed his guidance. And for picking himself up after a hard fall because he still has a family to take care of.

We had another talk one of these nights about my career path so far. He said he gave the go-ahead last year cos godma told him, "give your child a chance". I was present too. All along i had thought he really wanted to give me a chance to try out something by agreeing to Nuskin. Only now did I realize how wrong I had been.

That night he finally revealed to me his true reasons. At that time our relationship was rather tense, and if he had said no, i'll most probably get all defensive and assume he doesn't trust my capabilities. Not wanting to have a head-on with me, and thinking that maybe he should give his little gal a chance, he agreed...
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25/05/05 (Wed 00:33am)
Dad waited for me downstairs for close to an hour. I'm still feeling ashamed as I type this.. Apologized profusely to him beforehand that it was cos' our meeting dragged on. By the time I came down he was wiping and cleanin his car, with a slightly black face. I said sorry sorry.. and slumped into the backseat, feeling guilty.

On our way home, he started to talk. I made the extra effort to chat too, and asked if he's still driving after dropping me. He said no, no point plus his gult's givin him problems again. Mentioned that DBS folks called home this morning. I said yeah they called me on my mobile too. Then he offered to help me pay the computer loan.. I refused out of pride and said "see how". I really don't wish him or mum to pay anything for me anymore.. Though I'm already living on negative income and my current job pays peanuts.

That is how much he loves me. How THEY love me. Always wanting the best for me.. always ensuring their little girl is happy.. always there to provide a listening ear or a strong shoulder. A classic example would be Uncle Lawrence's issue. We met up with him last night to close the whole matter and to explain what went wrong and what's the outcome of it. Without dad's help, I would easily have been run down by the shrewd businessman.

One year down since, I'm happy to say our relationship has turned for the better. I know I've changed. He hasn't changed much, since post-panadol time (that mini-crisis was when he really realised it's time to let go). He still loves me as much. Despite the times I've disappointed him, despite the times I've been nasty to him and said words that belie what I truly feel inside. Last Friday night, he told me he rushed downstairs to bring me an umbrella cos' it suddenly poured. But when he got there I was already gone. When I heard what he did, i was stunned for awhile. I'm already grown up, Daddy. There's no need for that... What if you had slipped n fell? But the words that came out were "Oh, a cab came when I was near the road.. and I ran for it. That's why gone so fast."

TIll now I still feel touched by that incident..seriously. My eyes are welling as I write. Perhaps it's also due to an accumulation of unsaid thank-you's n gratitude for everything Dad has done for me the past 23 years. Because I was brought up the typical Asian way, with dire lack of affectionate praises n outwardly expressions, i'm still learnin how to show my appreciation. I do make the effort to say 'thank you', 'sorry' n 'please' more often.. I don't accept lifts or favors from him as often. It is time fer me to take on the responsibilities Dad has been shouldering for the past 20-odd years. If not all, then at least half of it..

Well I'm still learnin each step along the way.. I'm makin it a daily habit to ask the big fella up there to watch over him closely. Just as Dad has done for me from the day I was born.

Slow Dance

It's been a mad rush. People having less and less time for one another.. always on the move.. doing own things and more own things.... not realizing the seconds ticking, minutes ticking, hours ticking. Life ticking.
Ceasing only for short abrupt "how have you been"s and a "I'll catch up with u soon k! real busy".. I suddenly recalled what Ammie said on Monday when I tried asking her out for dinner - oh no, I've been so pre-occupied with my own stuff...

Dedicated to all busy people out there~

Have you ever watched kids... On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain... Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down. Don't dance so fast.
Time is short. The music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask 'how are you'... Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores... running through your head?

You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast.
Time is short. The music won't last.

Ever told your child 'we'll do it tomorrow'?
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, and let a good friendship die
Cause you never had the time... To call and say,"hi"

You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast.
Time is short. The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It's becomes an unopened gift.... that is thrown away.

Life is not a race. Do take it slower
Hear the music... Before the song is over.

Hopes & Faith

Note: this was originally a draft from last night..Monday was dry. no rain no clouds. Weird thing is just as I wanna post this entry today, it started pouring like nobody's business. How nice.

Anyways the inspiration for this entry is my good bro, shundeng (sd). After readin his blog, I just had to write something..

He talked about religion, about people's tendency to blow things outta proportion. Blind faith. Closed ideas. I wouldn't agree/disagree with what he said. Well i ain't some superwoman, so I don't really know who's God and whether his son can really walk on waters.
Because of this lack of knowledge, it's not very apt for me to point at whoever's followers.. LAUGH in their faces.. and say their faith is total crap. But I know for sure that hope bearers exist in many forms. Like I told sd, hope can come from the smile of a baby girl to the dew on a morning plant. It can be as simple as having a nice hot drink on a chilly night, or as tangible as winning a trophy.

Hope is what drives us on when things get rough and challenges seem insurmountable.. and its existence is something I'm very much thankful for. Cos' it got me through the dark times. darkest of which was when i had a love... but died.

I didn't mention that to anyone for a long time when the unfortunate incident happened.. except for my cousin who's his best friend. He had been the one to break the news to me. As much as I'd like for the memories to disappear forever, I've to admit the slight stirrings in my heart as I read sd's blog.. about how a simple flash file about a soppy love story could move one to drop a tear or two. But I digress. If I were to tell this story now my entry'll stretch longer than the Great Wall, so I shall end here. Remember to keep a lookout for hope n its bearers.. :)