You gain some, you lose some
Went health aesthetics on Sat morn with Des. The consulting doc's this funky lad (he wore a flamboyant flower shirt and a Gucci diamond watch) by the surname Chong. As it turned out, he talked to me about DVT... Not that I don't know the hazards of this ailment but he kinda reminded me how ugly and how life-changing it can be (will be). He said blatantly that no surgeon would be willing to operate on me - "that's a fact" - what with my risk of bleeding and history of DVT..
I asked about childbearing. What implications it might have should I wanna conceive in future... Asked about traveling.. cos we're thinking of going tibet next year. Dr's advice? Tibet might be a problem due to the high altitudes. "The last thing you wanna get is mountain sickness", he emphasized. I was super disappointed.......... Tibet and Nepal are places that I'd wanna visit at least once in my life. I certainly don't want it to become a regret..
Post consultation.. I was dazed and a little quiet than usual. Des sensed it and asked what I'm thinking about. I looked at him and he had this slight grin on his face, i.e. "I know what you're thinking about" look. It's just sian la..... and Dr Chong had to remind me that I could just drop dead anytime cos there's really no way of telling if any clots been dislodged and where they've travelled to...
"It's ugly.. but you gotta live with it.... that's the reality behind DVT.. It just changes your life from now on," he said.
Crybaby me.... I felt that burning sensation in my eyes when Des gave me a reassuring squeeze on the shoulders. It's like.... I've just found the person who sees the real sharon. Despite not knowing me deep enough back then, he knows the sharon he sees then is just a front.. the true person is inside; he was waiting fer her to emerge.. I love the way we're real to each other.. where I don't have to pretend who I'm not.. who makes an effort to make 'us' happen and there's mutual giving on both sides..not just a one-way traffic kinda thing.... who knows how to dote on me the way i want.. who places my needs before his..
And most most importantly, he is there for me no matter what happens. It's not all words and sweet talking.. His actions tell it all. I love the way we're open with each other.. how it is safe to talk about our feelings and thoughts and the level of understanding between us..... Through him, I learnt to face myself, my fears and stop escaping from the parts of sharonsim that sharonsim loathes the most. He taught me that it's ok to go back to the past, no matter how painful the past may be.. Cos' if you don't remember the past, you'll not learn.. And you'll just continue making the same mistakes or let the past have a subconscious effect on who you are now and in the future........
It is hard to fully describe the transformation within me. Only thing I can say is that I can breathe better now. Less of that congested tightness around my chest area.. I am happier now.. and I do feel his care and love for me. Seriously words don't matter that much anymore... the past has taught me that love's about showing it through actions. Not just declarations and declarations of it.. and to be there for the person no matter what. I love the way our principles resonate with each other's... like if you have the mind to do it, nothing's impossible. No such thing as bad stuff being cast in stone unless you yourself allow it to happen... You can control it.
Because of the special bond we share with each other.. it becomes harder to imagine if anything untoward were to happen to either of us... I will be strong nonetheless.. I still want that picture of us strolling along the beach in all silvery hair and wrinkly sagging skin watching the sunset to happen. But first, gotta make everyday a good one... then we'll be able to reach our destination together.
I asked about childbearing. What implications it might have should I wanna conceive in future... Asked about traveling.. cos we're thinking of going tibet next year. Dr's advice? Tibet might be a problem due to the high altitudes. "The last thing you wanna get is mountain sickness", he emphasized. I was super disappointed.......... Tibet and Nepal are places that I'd wanna visit at least once in my life. I certainly don't want it to become a regret..
Post consultation.. I was dazed and a little quiet than usual. Des sensed it and asked what I'm thinking about. I looked at him and he had this slight grin on his face, i.e. "I know what you're thinking about" look. It's just sian la..... and Dr Chong had to remind me that I could just drop dead anytime cos there's really no way of telling if any clots been dislodged and where they've travelled to...
"It's ugly.. but you gotta live with it.... that's the reality behind DVT.. It just changes your life from now on," he said.
Crybaby me.... I felt that burning sensation in my eyes when Des gave me a reassuring squeeze on the shoulders. It's like.... I've just found the person who sees the real sharon. Despite not knowing me deep enough back then, he knows the sharon he sees then is just a front.. the true person is inside; he was waiting fer her to emerge.. I love the way we're real to each other.. where I don't have to pretend who I'm not.. who makes an effort to make 'us' happen and there's mutual giving on both sides..not just a one-way traffic kinda thing.... who knows how to dote on me the way i want.. who places my needs before his..
And most most importantly, he is there for me no matter what happens. It's not all words and sweet talking.. His actions tell it all. I love the way we're open with each other.. how it is safe to talk about our feelings and thoughts and the level of understanding between us..... Through him, I learnt to face myself, my fears and stop escaping from the parts of sharonsim that sharonsim loathes the most. He taught me that it's ok to go back to the past, no matter how painful the past may be.. Cos' if you don't remember the past, you'll not learn.. And you'll just continue making the same mistakes or let the past have a subconscious effect on who you are now and in the future........
It is hard to fully describe the transformation within me. Only thing I can say is that I can breathe better now. Less of that congested tightness around my chest area.. I am happier now.. and I do feel his care and love for me. Seriously words don't matter that much anymore... the past has taught me that love's about showing it through actions. Not just declarations and declarations of it.. and to be there for the person no matter what. I love the way our principles resonate with each other's... like if you have the mind to do it, nothing's impossible. No such thing as bad stuff being cast in stone unless you yourself allow it to happen... You can control it.
Because of the special bond we share with each other.. it becomes harder to imagine if anything untoward were to happen to either of us... I will be strong nonetheless.. I still want that picture of us strolling along the beach in all silvery hair and wrinkly sagging skin watching the sunset to happen. But first, gotta make everyday a good one... then we'll be able to reach our destination together.
posted by urbanGem at
11:50
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