Fear

"Yeah you told me about it," you quipped.
I paused, 'Did I?'
A mild look of shock, you realized you'd let slip something
That instant it registered,
"Oh, you've been reading my blog."
And Silence fell.
Was it pain I detected when I spoke to How on your phone?
Or I'd let emotions get to me again?

I didn't ask, I was too afraid to ask.

You feel you're wasting my time, I'd be happier with someone else.
I told you it doesn't matter even if you break up with me,
You said it's ego talk.
I wanted to say, "Because all I can love is you."

I didn't say, I was too afraid to fall again.

Denial

How can I remove that nullness inside?
When everyday I put on a mask,
Doing what I ought to do, doing what I have to do.
I wished Activity could erase everything
Make me numb, make me busy
Don't think, no time to think..
The nullness remains.
A jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece,
The picture is never complete.
I know you may blame me for this entry
But words have become my solace when talk makes me weary
I just wished you'd been more selfish -
String me along, don't care about my feelings so much.....
Keep me, own me.
"Love is just chemical reactions in the brain...."

Shower

Was steaming myself crazy in the hot shower when the Brain started working again.

Thoughts went to a friend and what she shared with me this afternoon. Her marriage and her worries about it.

"Things have changed somewhat," her voice laced with haplessness. Taking a long draw on her cig, she continued as though talking to herself.

"We used to laugh a lot, enjoy each other so much. I think I've changed too fast, and his inferiority complex isn't helping much,"

"I know it ain't easy, but you gotta be patient and be supportive. Couples grow together, maybe you're just faster and he needs more time to catch up. Don't ever lose heart, ever."

"Ya.... but sometimes he's pushing me, to just heck it and give it up altogether. Cos it's just so tiring. Some of the things he said, like 'people who club go for one-night-stands'.. It hurt me cos sometimes I do need to let down my hair, go enjoy loud trashy music etc. But I certainly don't go for one-night stands!"

Classic case of expecting the other party to know you inside out, and knowing what to say what not to say..

"I'm sure he didn't direct that at you. I'm also sure you didn't tell him how such remarks are affecting you, right?" She nods her head.

"See? Most probably he doesn't know you're taking it personally. You can't bottle the hurt inside, not when you feel he's the one inflicting it on you."

Coz it simply poisons the relationship...

Not an easy thing, but just have to handle it with plenty of TLC.

A sentence she made rang in my head as I rinsed shampoo outta my hair.

"We've been together for so long already, it just confuses me why things have turned out this way?"

I didn't reply her then, cos I didn't have a ready answer to that. I thought of some friends who cling on to a relationship despite at a stalemate, despite the unhappiness and discontentment, despite the accusations and lack of trust.
All because "we've been together for XXX years already, it'd be such a waste if we break up just like that....."

And I realise I do have the answer to your question now... If you really sit down and think about it, putting nostalgic and emotions aside, it's really a simple thing really - it's not how many years you all had, cos what's past is past. I think you should focus on how many years ahead you can foresee with this person by your side. Then when the going gets tough, at least it's a stamina to keep you en track.

You'll do just fine, my friend. Just don't lose heart nor give up.. All's not lost yet.

I Like This

Just took some tests on Quizilla. I like this cos it's true!! If you're bored like me, can try la. Well, i like the pics too..... (excuses). Haha..


"There is no man who does not have scars on his heart.
If there was such a man, he would be a shallow bastard." -Hiei

You understand the darkness within people.
You also know that pain is neccesary for growth, though it sure sucks for a while there.

What random quote are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Your soul says you're independent. Although strong and really fun, you like your privacy.
You're not one to go out in big groups or have lots of people hanging around you. You like to have your space and be able to think alone, to be alone.
Nothing's wrong with that at all, but if you feel a strange feeling of sadness/loneliness, maybe you should bring close friends... closer.

The man you need: Someone active and outgoing.
Although this doesn't appeal to you, opposites is what is needed. He'll be able to open your heart, and soon you'll find his playful-self irresistable.

What does your soul say about you?(7 great results! Girls.)
brought to you by Quizilla

My Movie Genre

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh. You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum. Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Bombed (~.~)*

1.. 2.. 3!!!

No, cowie's ain't revising her mathematics. She's just counting the number of red bombs thrown on her these past 2 weeks.

Yesh, red bombs, aka wedding invitations.

All in December! The month of X'mas! Major pocket hole burning!

3 bombs! Sigghhhhssss......

3rd.. 11th.. n 14th. 3rd's my secondary school mate, getting hitched at 23. To her bf of 8 years i think. That fella's about 32 or 33, if I didn't recall wrongly. 11th's my colleague cum smoke kaki. This one super depressing I tell you. Cos I find him the most yandao in our company. The mano-mano type, with nice eyes and broad shoulders. 12 years my senior, but we got along just fine. Had lotsa opportunities to work together.. cos he's the product manager fer RFID, and I'm organizing some seminars on RFID for 2006. one of the nicer fellas in the company...

And he's getting married!!! Another eligible bachelor down... no more ogling at him anymore, cowie. He's -legally- taken this time, haha..

14th another colleague, from finance dept. Crappy fella, nice simple down-to-earth employee type with humble ambitions. We always joke he makes the ideal candidate for househusbandry, hee.

Last night treated Nana to dinner at Waraku, jalaned around then chose Cafe Cartel for coffee and somemore yakking. It's been donkey ages since we last met! Yakked about my new job, her plans, my trips to KL and Brunei, her trips to Tokyo and Sydney. Wahlau talked so much till my throat hurst today! I'm gonna receive a bomb from her soon, either next year or 2007. She's already looking for venues to hold her customary wedding.. Quite excited about it, cos' she's the 1st among my closest pals to get married! Though I foresee many more to come in the next few years..... like Jes, Ammie, Danlin, etc.

Tonight no plans.. Des and co met up last night for pool, so don't think tonight they wanna meet. Didn't join cos I was having feel-good gals' tok with Nana anyways so..... BUZZ OFF, STINKING MEN!!! Muahaha.. Never mind, shall stay home have feel-good mom-daughter talk with my errr... mum (doh). Tomorrow's gonna be a lazymoozy Sunday.... zzzzz

Anagrams

Some interesting anagrams I came across while surfing... Some are really quite tongue-in-cheek, hee. Enjoy!


George Bush: When you rearrange the letters: He Bugs Gore

Dormitory: When you rearrange the letters: Dirty Room

Evangelist: When you rearrange the letters: Evil's Agent

Desperation: When you rearrange the letters: A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code: When you rearrange the letters: Here Come Dots

Slot Machines: When you rearrange the letters: Cash Lost in Em

Animosity: When you rearrange the letters: Is No Amity

Mother-in-law: When you rearrange the letters: Woman Hitler

Snooze Alarms: Wen you rearrange the letters: Alas No More Z's

A Decimal Point: When you rearrange the letters: I'm a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes: When you rearrange the letters: That Queer Shake

President Clinton of the USA: It can be rearranged into: To Copulate he finds

Eleven plus two: When you rearrange the letters: Twelve plus one

Abscess and Excess

And here's for you on News Flash this chilly Tuesday evening.

Make that two, no.. THREE updates for today >>
Number One:
My bestest friend got his well-deserved and long-delayed promotion! Was so excited that I called him (all the way to Brunei and paying 40cents per min, mind you) to double confirm the news. LOL.. I can be such a calculative cheapo at times.

Number Two:
Had a super-chop duper-short meeting with Patrick today, but ended up with a free Mont Blanc business card holder. He said it's been sitting there for 3 months, and he hasn't found a use for it.
"Here, take it."
Stunned, I was caught offguard of course.
"Go ahead, go ahead. I've no use for it anyways."
"Oh... ok. Thanks." I tried not to show any emotions. STOP FURROWING YOUR BROWS YOU IDIOT!

Happy? Not really.... Corporate Rules 101: Take things from CEO equals "put your whole life on the line for him/her from now on".

Number Three:
Went doc's after work to get rid of a meanie-looking thingy on my lower thigh, near the back of my knee. It is DAMN bad.. some pus looking thing that decided to plant its fat arse on my thigh overnight. Well, maybe not overnight, but it sure is HORRID-looking. I've got pics to prove >>>

Picture 1:
See that swelling around the 'eye'? It actually itches..... was tryin so hard not to scratch!!

Picture 2:
A 'lateral' view of the sickening abscess............

Doc used a syringe to pierce the thing TWICE, squeezed all the bloody pus (it's really bloody literally and figuratively), and slapped antiseptic on it. I was lying on my tummy and howling while she used Xena's strength to get all the infected cells out. I swear that it hurts SO MUCH MORE THAN TATTOOING....

So to round things up, my day was filled with abscess (getting rid of and walkin funny coz it HURTS SO MUCH) and excess (antibiotics to take to get rid of the inflammation, and a new branded business card holder which incidentally replaces my lost All Blacks' holder). What an excellent Tuesday it had been! Rightzzz......

P.S.: for the benefit of those who went "abs-WAT??", here's a medical explanation for it >>

An abscess is a collection of pus collected in a cavity formed by the tissue on the basis of an infectious process (usually caused by bacteria or parasites) or other foreign materials (e.g. splinters or bullet wounds). It is a defensive reaction of the tissue to prevent the spread of infectious materials to other parts of the body.

The organisms (or foreign materials) that gain access to a part of tissue kill the local cells, release toxins and trigger an inflammatory response by drawing huge amounts of white blood cells to the area and increasing the regional blood flow. The final structure of the abscess is an abscess wall that is formed by the adjacent healthy cells in an attempt to build a barrier around the pus that limits the infected material from neighbouring structures.

Skin abscesses are fairly common. They are caused when an infection causes pus and infected material to collect in the skin. Skin abscesses may follow a bacterial infection, commonly an infection with staphylococcus. They can develop after a minor wound, injury, or as a complication of folliculitis or boils. Skin abscesses may occur anywhere on the body, and can affect people of all ages.

An abscess can prevent deeper tissues from functioning properly. The infection may spread locally or throughout the body. The spread of infection through the bloodstream may cause severe complications.

Dream

Foreword: All of us have dreams from time to time. I've them almost every night. But really vivid ones I haven't had in a while. "Vivid" meaning those with images fixated in your head, never growing fuzzy even after a few hours. Hence composed a poem to honor this dream I had early this morning.. As of now, it's been officially in my head for a kewl 6 hours!

a live band plays
an al fresco deco of wood benches and tables
surrounded by shophouses full of color and character
tealights in glass holders
their glow penetrating
warming the faces of the young couple.
they laughed, they chatted
harmonious with the music, good wine and smokes
two faces aglow with warmth
is it love? or just the candle's bestow?
Girl feels deja vu, as she looks at Boy
'yes, i've been here before...'
the words, the topics, the music seemed all too familiar.
'Time has unwound herself for me!', she thought happily.
but beauty is short-lived, she soon found out
the music turned softer,
his voice muffled,
the shophouses grew hazy,
his profile disappearing...
she tried to shout but no voice came out
she tried to catch hold of something but nothing her fingers felt
Spiralling into endless abyss... clinging onto emptiness and
the bedroom ceiling is all that she sees.

Gastroenteritis

Burps.

Rumble. (Steaming hot) Milo. Gulps. OWWW!!

Numb tongue. Drilling from construction site. Incessant since morning.
Trying to keep sane?

I need PEACE!!

Saturday afternoon. Bloated tummy. Surfing net for info.

Stomach flu is a viral infection that affects the stomach and small intestine. It is also called viral gastroenteritis.

The virus enters the stomach and intestine and inflames the lining of these organs. As a result, the stomach and intestine are temporarily unable to perform their usual functions. The virus can also cause food to move more rapidly through your gastrointestinal (GI) tract.

Burps. Sucks.

Where's my award? Somebody please nominate me for Guinness World of Records. Wwwhat? twice in 2 months? Let me die...

How is it treated?
The most important thing to do is to rest the stomach and intestines. You can do this by first eating nothing solid and drinking only clear liquids. A little later you can eat soft bland foods that are easy to digest.

No food??? Throw me outta the window. NOW.

Other clear liquids you can drink are weak tea and apple juice. Avoid liquids that are acidic (such as orange juice) or caffeinated (such as coffee) or have a lot of carbonation. Do not drink milk until you no longer have diarrhea.

Coffeeeee........... sobs.

You may start eating soft bland foods when you have not vomited for several hours and are able to drink clear liquids without further upset. Soda crackers, toast, plain noodles, gelatin, eggs, applesauce, and bananas are good first choices. Avoid foods that are acidic, spicy, fatty, or fibrous (meats, coarse grains, vegetables) and dairy products.

Just like a baby.

Stomach flu rarely lasts longer than 1 to 3 days. However, it may be 1 to 2 weeks before your bowel habits return completely to normal.

Great. Just great.

Wazzup?

My blood pressure, what else?

Crazy week, almost died from stress-induced hyperventilation. Big guy up there thinks I've not passed the Test yet, I guess. Was already unwell early this week, but couldn't see a doctor cos had real important stuff on my hands. So many pending things, and yet new things kept coming up. i'm not complaining, just wondering if there's a more efficient way of doing things.

The collaborated presentation with HP took most of my attention this week. We're really gunning for it; clinchin the deal is a testament of our capabilities. Plus our relationship with HP has gone a level deeper with them marketing some of our RFID products for us in the Asia Pacific region! It is chaotic now, but in time to come, it's for the good of our company. Some of them complained about the increase in workload, feeling disgruntled and all. I feel the crunch too, but in front of them I'd say, "positive thinking, people!" Cos my whining ain't gonna help things at all. Have to adapt and challenge yourself in order to grow.

Finished the presentation on Thursday.. I can breathe again! But my body couldn't take it anymore. Yesterday felt nauseous and had the runs (again).. took halfday to visit my doc.

OF COURSE... there are the little simple joys in life that kept my sanity alive. Like having dinner at my fave Jap eatery, Tamako. It's this family-operated quaint little nook on Casuarina Road. Was there on Tues after work and as usual, the food didn't disappoint. Don't know why, little cozy outlets like Tamako are my kind of thing - no spanking cutlery, no whitewashed walls, no classical music, no waiting staff in perfectly-ironed and bleached uniforms, no artistically presented mounds of suspicious-sounding food like Pommes de Terre purée à l'ail et l'oignon (which means Mashed Potatoes with Onions and Garlic by the way). Just simple and down-to-earth things - cutlery that resemble those in my kitchen, walls that show slight signs of age, haphazardly-hunged wood-framed pictures, waiting staff in comfy, unsynchronized get ups (one wore jeans, the other wore apron over a dress), familiar voice of Channel 5's newscaster, and simply arranged food with flavours your tastebuds'd get addicted to. All nestled in a hidden corner of Singapore.

That is the allure and charm of Tamako. It's their unpretentiousness and people that makes each of my dining experience an unforgettable pleasure. Know what they say about food? You can taste the mood of the person who prepared your food. I've wined and dined at real chi-chi places. Some foods are real good shit, but somehow it just lacks a certain human touch and oommph to it. As though the chef's just goin through the motions and executing his trainings at culinary school. Or just cooking to impress his restaurant's patrons. Most of my memorable gastronomic delights are at dingy places: braised beef brisket noodles on a narrow lane off the main road of Tsim Sha Tsui (rats even scurried past our feet as we ate), Penang laksa at a grimy sidewalk just beside the dusty road (any nearer and there'll be 'extra toppings' on our food), grilled chicken thigh by a grandpa on a narrow lane off Phuket's bustling market (thigh's skewered and kept in a glass box on his bicycle cart), satay and Ramly burger on a back alley behind KL's YMCA (the rotund lady boss gave us extra sticks, knowing we're not local), kolo mee and dimsum and iced chinese tea at Brunei's Cafe de Pariss (the waitresses are always smiling, always obliging.. like the Thai people!).

So when I do eventually get to BKK next year (19-23 Jan), I'll make sure zero visiting to expensive places like restaurants. C'mon.... don't you have enough of that in plasticky, advanced, 1st world Singapore already?? I wanna rough it out, eat from roadside stalls (especially phad thai and fried crickets/grasshoppers). Gotta try everything at least once.. so I won't lug regrets along when it's time to hand in my IC.

Eyes Wide Open

Just peed, caught my breath, downed 1 litre of cold water and took another couple deep breaths. Was at ah ma's house earlier on doing clearing. Manz.... it was so f***-ing MESSY!!! Imagine shitload after shitload, garbage bag after garbage bag, plastic bag after plastic bag of old toys or display knickknacks. Her things were just endless. I don't even wanna get started on the dust and rust and what-nots in the 4-room apartment. After clearing, we brought the bags out to the living room. They formed one mini everest, towering over us all. No, I'm not exaggerating.. even took photos of the mountain (shall post it here once Uncle emails them to me).

Later tonight they're gonna go over again to supervise the foreign workers. We paid them money to help move the cupboards, cabinets, shelves etc that are too run down to be re-used. The kitchen cabinet even had one leg missing (she used a brick to stablize the whole unit, which happens to contain crockery n glass stuff. Imagine the weight.....)

Wanted to go office today to clear some work but had to scrape it coz of the spring cleaning. Tomorrow sure stressed like mad. Last night caught Exorcism of Emily Rose with Des and gang, pretty cool show that had us re-thinking about waking up at 3am in the morning to pee......

Oh ya, saw my design materialize once again! This time it's the new namecard for my company. Quite happy with it, and the printing company actually commented "the designer's got taste". When HR told me about it, it didn't register coz I was too busy with other things. Only remembered Kev retorting to HR, "of cos got taste la.. you think everybody like you meh?" Well, apparently most of us think that woman has a bit of a bad taste........ I shan't go into that. Karma, karma...haha

Today's 13th, coming Sunday 20th I'm gonna be at Fort Canning Park for the Singapore Hokkien Huay Kuan Annual Family Day 2005. It's the last and biggest project that I clinched for my ex company, Cheers Events. Quite a high budget proposal I did for them - a cool 70k Sing in total. Apparently they liked my concept, which is refreshing, yet retains their values of tradition and culture preservation. I had proposed a modernized Chinoiserie theme, making use of space and a little less conventional activites to inculcate Chinese beliefs and practices.

Imagine being greeted by an aesthetic sensory treat of live zither music, mesmerising Chinese dances by languid dancers, and street vendors peddling Hokkien snacks as you arrive. Watch the tea master as he demonstrates the art of tea-brewing, or the acrobats and their balancing acts over at the other corner.. Have your fortune read and kids can enjoy themselves with ancient Chinese games like Tangram, character guessing etc. The day continues with games for the whole family to enjoy and performances like cross-talk shows. There'll be opera make-up competitions, family popiah-making challenges, and wushu displays by some of the finest pugilists in Singapore. After which you're invited to light giant Kong Ming lanterns, and set the lanterns up into the starry skies...... How's that sound?

I'm gonna see for myself this coming Sunday on how my concept comes to live. Must be an uber pulsating event, I'm sure. :) They better don't disappoint me..

Sticky Icky Situation

I know it's demoralizing to start a blog with that word but................

SIGH.

Just came back from a terribly long day. First, I was at a trade fair the whole of today, till about 630. Then had dinner with Lawrence and went hospital to visit grams. She fell down last week at Auntie Julie's place. REAL nasty fall it was.. Fractured her right femur bone into 3. Doc gave us the option of operation or the slow-mo recuperation without operation.

We decided to go ahead with the op coz it makes no sense to disapprove - without the op, she'll be bedridden for all of 3 months and relying too much on her left leg. At least with the metal plates in her leg, she can recover faster with physio n regular re-visits.

Then came the first pressing issue: medical bills. With or without the op, she still has to undergo physio and take medicine etc. Plus we need to hire a private nurse to take care of her and to bring her for physio sessions. Someone young enough, strong enough, and free enough to look after her during the recovery period. How about selling her house (she stays alone in a 4-room apartment), then use the money for medical expenses? Good suggestion, but... where'd she stay?

Uncle Richard suggested clearing up the house and renting out two rooms. The collected rental can go to her nurse and medication. Everyone's happy with the suggestion, until we realise there's another BIG problem.

Clearing her house.

You ain't seen nuthin' if you ain't seen my ah ma's house. It's a typical 4-room HDB flat, but crammed FULL of things, or junk. Well, not all.... but most are unwanted/useless stuff. Sentimental tokens like childhood photos aside, the rest are stuff like plastic containers, plastic bags, old newspapers, discarded furniture..... Basically her house looks like it belonged to the Grand Dame of Garang Guni. Even the Banglahs we hired to clear out the rubbish commented that "this auntie very dirty".

On our way home just now, mum got a call from Uncle Hwa Beng. Her face turned pale immediately -

They had lost the newspaper ad of Grandpa and Grandma's wedding, as well as a framed photo of Grandpa.

My worst fear had come true. Last night when dad was sharing with us how they cleared the rubbish and junk, mum and I were quite worked up already. Coz Uncle Beng is as rash as a bull, and a stubborn one too. He lets his temper get to him, and we all know he's not on the best of terms with grams. According to dad, he even threw away stuff like Auntie Josephine's trophies. Which to me, is being a bit too much cos i'd wanna keep my kids' trophies. Know what I mean?

And now, this. Mum couldn't take it, and tears of frustration starting streaming down her face. She's already very pekchek at the way her mule-headed brother does things, wanted to go clear up the house but had some dizzy spells. We're all worried how ah ma'd take it when she's discharged. Especially when that newspaper article that means so much to her...... Grandad came from a filthy rich family (until the evil first wife ursurped all the inheritance), and hence the newspaper article on his son's marriage, albeit son of third wife.

I dunno la, so tired. I'm physically drained out, mentally drained out and financially drained out.. Have to re-work my i's and o's cos have to give more to the family now.

Virginity

Ok this post's all about first-times n what-nots. Hence "virginity"...

I'm going Penang-Malacca-KL this December, with Reuben and some other friends. Our virgin trip as friends post-breakup. Our First (in-the-flesh) Meet Up as "friends". Dude, I know you're reading this.. hee. Am I jittery? You bet I am!!! But we promised we'll keep it light-hearted and we will make it happen. Yeah?

......

YEAH!!! *fist in air*

Like I mentioned in my previous post, I lost my All Blacks namecard holder. To my utter dismay and disbelief, it is -officially- lost. Maybe slipped outta my bag at the cinema, or dropped it in the car. Well it's not just SOME (cheapo) namecard holder ya noe....>> It's the FIRST Namecard Holder I bought for myself to mark the start of my career life. It was bought on my FIRST Graduation Tour, also my FIRST Trip to New Zealand. It's my FIRST ALL-BLACKS item from an authentic/registered ALL-BLACKS boutique on Queen Street (not some pseudo cheong thingy from pasar malam).

And, it's the first time I've lost it. Hope it's the last (after I've found it)... Doesn't help that it contains my First Namecard Upon Graduation, and my -First- Namecard from Brunei. F*** Murphy's Law.....

I was planning my Virgin Trip to Bangkok before this. Msning Des and discussing which hotel to stay. Hendrix brought his fren, Karen, to our kopi session last Sunday night near Ed's cafe. Over the choc cupcakes I made and deliciously sinful Starbucks beverages, we decided right there and then on going Bangkok together this coming January.

Yup, just like that. My First Bangkok Trip was set just like that.. in under 2 hours flat. Somemore I'm going with a gal I've known for less than 3 hours. Hendrix's put in charge of tickets. Me and Des, accomodation. First time I decided so quickly on an overseas trip... Lol.

Been babysitting our Group Chairman's youngest son since last Wednesday. U got it right, my First Time Babysitting Boss's Kid/s. GROUP CHAIRMAN'S SON somemore. Da Prince...

Well, technically not a "baby" coz he's all 13 years of age. Pretty nice boy, safe for being a teeeeeeny little bit pesky at times. Keke.. The First Time I Knew I Can be So Patient was a sorta Relevation to me. Never really knew how to handle kids, but my colleagues all took their hats off me for being able to tahan that little rascal.

"Wahlau... he's so damn irritating!!!" My colleague who sits diagonally opposite me exclaimed in exasperation. Think she almost tore out her hair... haha.

I do have a soft spot for him, to be honest. That boy's brilliant. A bit too full of himself and too full of questions at times..... but he's a kid after all. Plus he knows where to draw the line. Or maybe I look really scary when i'm stern with him, haha... Am i gonna miss him when he leaves for Beijing tis fri? Yeah......... I pretty much guess I will. Though he's sticky as glue, and is always ceaselessly chattering about things. Maybe I'm starting to treat him like my own little brother; didn't have the privilege to play big sis/bro in my family. Shall shop for his farewell gift tomorrow. That little charmer......

**********

As you can tell, a lot of "First's" been happening this week. Not to mention my first time baking and cooking for new friends, my first 20min-long phone chat with a colleague I seldom talk to in person, my first time reading Who Moved My Cheese.. etc etc etc. Perhaps like what the book said, you gotta go with the Cheese and venture into the maze where surprises lie in wait. Perhaps these are just a few along the way.. there'll be more, defintely. But I'll not get hemmed in. For sure :)

Crap

I lost many things this week.

My fave All Blacks namecard holder I bought in New Zealand... Gone.
My interest in things that used to excite me... Gone.
My amusement at the slightest things n jokes. Gone.

Everyday's just fleeting by like nobody's business. Today even went office without earrings, which is totally outta sorts for someone who dies without her accessories.

Lol and behold.. the Living Dead walks the earth...

Sighs.

I know some of you will quit reading soon. Coz this entry's all about spineless whining and whole shitload of blues. Ain't rosymosy mushywushy stuff. I'm trying k, I'm TRYING!!! For I am only human...

Grant me time. I needa wallow and be emosi-emosi for the time being.. Sun still shines tomorrow. Looking forward to tomorrow..

Updates

Dark chocolate?
Checked.

Unsalted butter?
Checked.

Sugar? Self-raising flour?
Checked and... checked.

Unpacking groceries I got from Jason's as I type. Gonna make my killer CHOCOLATE ANNIHILATION CUPCAKES and BANANA BREAD tomorrow morning. Must remember to get bananas. Oh, more butter too. Ditto eggs and sugar...

Initial plan was tiramisu, but Jason's ran outta sponge fingers!!! Couldn't believe my luck... all the way there to get it and yet don't have! Sighs. Have to postpone to next time.

Des and Edmund are gonna try those tomorrow. Ed who??? Ok here's the story:

*Tue*
Met up with Des on Tues after badmintion (he wanted to look for sweatshirt). Ironic..... coz it was moi who bought a new one instead. It's real cool! Fire-engine red from Adidas. Almost everyone took a second glance when i wore it. LOL.

His friends asked me to join for dinner. So 4 guys + 1 gal wined & dined at a kewl Brazilian restaurant right opposite Guthrie House at Sixth Avenue. They serve da best roasted fish, I swear! Almost everything that can be eaten was roasted on a sword-looking skewer: lamb, chicken, bacon and ham, sirloin, tenderloin, ribs, chicken liver, kidneys blah blah and blah. For the 1st time, I had CHICKEN HEART. Well, I've got to admit it's saltish and springy and tastes absolutely yummilicious........

Oh Lord bless the 20 chickens who had sacrificed their hearts for the gastronomical delights of mankind...... (the boys had 5 hearts each; mine was from Des's plate).

His frens are kewl. Crappy people, and same frequency! Edmund was the first to gimme his namecard, and to ask wat I'm doing.

Divine.. brownies. tarts. cheesecakes...... SMU??

"No wonder you look familiar!" it finally dawned on me.

Turns out he was featured on last week's Urban mag of Straits Times. No wonder I thought I've seen him before. So coincidental I'd purposely kept that issue (the commemorandum edition). Read it a few times, and his "gummie brownie" got stuck in my head. To think I'd meet the baker himself a few days later! Life really DOES like to do funny takes on us from time to time..

David was nice too, navy regular. Nicknamed "Captain" by the boys, haha. He reminds me of a certain someone, but I couldn't remember who. My cousin perhaps?

I proposed Paulaners when they were thinking of where to go after dinner. Ed was two hands up, and the rest were in too. I was naturally the most happy one la... my fave pub mah. Haha.. it's like the default for me if I dunno where else to go.

Had only one glass of dark.. didn't wanna drink much coz we already had 2 glasses Shiraz during dinner. PLus needa work the next day. Got home about 3. Ed asked when I'm droppin by his place, so I suggested "this weekend? Drop by with my tiramisu.. heh." Thus the baking tomorrow.....

*Wed night*
Wed night met up with Geraldine and Kate. Gerie's timing damn good.. just as major shit happened, I received her msg during my (reluctant) lunch. Not a pretty sight at all, force-feeding...

"Hey baby, how've you been?"

Stumped by the message.. we haven't caught up in a while. Yet her sms couldn't came in at a more appropriate time. Forcing myself to swallow the rice, I replied. We arranged for dinner that very night. Asked Kate along too.. Gerie's lookin prettier everyday! But received shocking news about her break up. Never expected it to happen. Never expected her to take it so easy.

"Perhaps I didn't really put in a lot too.. "

"Thought u guys gonna ROM soon?? SHocked the hell outta me when I saw your msg,"

"NO la! Since when?? Never once did we even talk about settling down.. The thing just died, and we let it be. Can't really see a future with him.."

"Ok.. as long as you're fine," i smiled.

Went jazz@southbridge after that.. Didn't know where else to go for drinks. Me, Gerie, Des, and his gym colleague, Owen. Music's good.. pianist was fantastic. They've really improved since the last time I was there. And yes, the memories came as though it happened only yesterday. Still remember bringing baby to that place on our 1st meet up. That was where Jes, Am and Kate 1st saw him too. Brought Yayat to that place.... still remember baby asking the manager to re-cut his cigar... and the picture-taking, with us teasing Yayat about his "excellent" camera skills..

Anyways that was it. Reached home early about 1plus. Knocked out till 1130 the next day, the 1st dae of Raya.

*Thurs*
Went town.. dinner.. bishan.. ntuc.. bus.. home. Couldnt stay home, and needed to get out mix with people. Not hide at home and mope. Sorry Des, had to let your ass suffer the long bus journey home... treat you nice nice food tomorrow.

Ok, I'm woozy. Gonna shower and hit the sack. 'Nuff typing for the night.... ciao~

Happy Deepavali!!

First things.... the holidays are here!! HAPPY DEWALI to all indian mates, and a well-deserved break to the rest of us mere mortals =D

So how did i spend Fright Night? Wanted to scare the hell outta people by dressin up as vampires/witches.. but couldn't find any willing accomplices who're as zany as me. Planned to stay home and 'rest in peace' till des asked me out for movie. Caught Tom Yum Goong... where it had us going "oooowwwwww...." or "ouchhh" and "eewwww" about 80% of the time. Those who get sick upon hearing relentless sounds of bones breaking, tendons snapping.. please give this show a pass. Or bring a plastic bag.

As is the norm.. we didn't go home till it's like 5plus in the morn. Dude, if this continues.. we'll end up in the zoo for being endangered animals (i.e. pandas) very soon.

Hmm.. Now checking out where the heck is Yishun sports hall. Supposed to meet the gals for badminton from 1 to 3. Let me see... After Lentor near Yishun ave 1. Just as i suspected. Sometimes i tink i'm pretty smart.... wahahahaha! Okok.. gotta run. Hope i dun break anything.... Ciaos!