Hubby goes, wife follows

I've always prided myself as an alpha-modernistic woman. One with a mind of her own, a career. One who is definitely not afraid of standing up for her rights or to protect those she loves. A woman who is proud of who she is, and yet embraces the feminity that she is borne with.

Since young, I've always wanted my own business. Most likely a little eatery/cafe. Food has been (and still is) a huge part of my life as my parents are foodies. Mum is an awesome cook who can make simple ingredients taste splendid and Dad would drive us all over Singapore to eat. Career-wise, my forte is in marketing. Being exposed to almost the entire spectrum of marketing has been enriching. I was blessed with a good mentor and good bosses. I was given opportunities to show my strengths and perform. And I know ultimately, such skills would help in whatever business I do.

Yet, as I am typing this, I feel somewhat...... lost.

Maybe it's the work I'm doing now? I feel unsatisfied. Don't really see where my current job is leading to. This feeling is somewhat amplified by the sudden realisation that I need to alter my plans somewhat. It's like realising that after taking a 3-year detour into a new industry, I may have to go back to where I came from. Square one. I've been thinking about my next move. Should I quit? Get out of this industry? Go into a similar company? Or what? It's really either I get a new job, or I keep this job, while juggling to start something which allows me to uproot whenever I need to. As much of a modern woman I am, I still hold certain values true such as following one's husband and letting him be the head of the family. And it is important to me that a couple stays together, physically. Dar's posting overseas this past 1 year plus has been draining on both of us, as much as we seldom talk about it. It suddenly hit me last week that if I was to fulfill my wifely duties, which I am happy to, it means I have to return to that industry I have left. Re-connect with old acquaintances, catch up with what I have left off 3 years back and start something which lets me earn my own keep on-the-move. While juggling my current job which is rather demanding as well.

Sounds like a plate full, doesn't it? :(

I just feel that I have wasted 3 years in this current job somewhat. True, I learnt another aspect of marketing which can value-add to my skillsets, especially the media-handling and financial communications part. But such skills will only come in when I decide to list my company or when I decide to do something real-estate related, ain't it?

And then I've got another huge task of marrying all my past, current skills and accomplishments, and hopefully find a breakthrough in what I can start as a business. And it's definitely gotta be online because I need that mobility to follow my hubby. I definitely can get investors with my venture capitalist friends. It's just the execution part that I need loads of help with.

Really feel there's a lot on my shoulders, and I'm all by myself here. Wish you were here with me..

3 months

It's been that long since I last blogged. This is one of those times when I feel like writing something, yet there's too much in my head to piece it altogether. Have been thinking a lot. Haven't been sleeping well. Feeling somewhat empty, somewhat lost. Perhaps it's work. Maybe I'm burnt out. Or I'm at one of those crossroads where I need to decide which direction to take.

This blog has been in existence for the past 5 years. Yes, it has been that long. It has seen me through the basest of times. And then some. Some things are just not meant to be recorded for it crystalises that particular emotion, or memory. Like a form of justification for feeling what you felt at that moment in time. Yet we all know we tend to get swallowed by that moment...

It has been a difficult 3 months, work and personal. It is tough to be on my own. And there's things I miss which I cannot say. It is difficult to face your own battles at work and to fight off being consumed by emo-ness. The expectations and responsibilities that come along while you struggle to see the path ahead. I chose to focus on the lighter side of things. I really tried. I smile and made talk on my lowest of days. Sometimes it helped, this little playacting. But quiet moments, is when it seizes me. I know I have the love and support from friends and family, yet who was I kidding? I need to see what's ahead in order to feel right and happy again.

I will be ok. I am only feeling this way because I have been jolted and dealt with a harsh lesson from Life. It is a reminder to me that I have not experienced all that Life has to offer, its beauty and its ugliness. And no matter how big a blow have been/might be, I will be ok because I always have a choice. I have the power to choose my reaction.

I will be ok.