Shower

Was steaming myself crazy in the hot shower when the Brain started working again.

Thoughts went to a friend and what she shared with me this afternoon. Her marriage and her worries about it.

"Things have changed somewhat," her voice laced with haplessness. Taking a long draw on her cig, she continued as though talking to herself.

"We used to laugh a lot, enjoy each other so much. I think I've changed too fast, and his inferiority complex isn't helping much,"

"I know it ain't easy, but you gotta be patient and be supportive. Couples grow together, maybe you're just faster and he needs more time to catch up. Don't ever lose heart, ever."

"Ya.... but sometimes he's pushing me, to just heck it and give it up altogether. Cos it's just so tiring. Some of the things he said, like 'people who club go for one-night-stands'.. It hurt me cos sometimes I do need to let down my hair, go enjoy loud trashy music etc. But I certainly don't go for one-night stands!"

Classic case of expecting the other party to know you inside out, and knowing what to say what not to say..

"I'm sure he didn't direct that at you. I'm also sure you didn't tell him how such remarks are affecting you, right?" She nods her head.

"See? Most probably he doesn't know you're taking it personally. You can't bottle the hurt inside, not when you feel he's the one inflicting it on you."

Coz it simply poisons the relationship...

Not an easy thing, but just have to handle it with plenty of TLC.

A sentence she made rang in my head as I rinsed shampoo outta my hair.

"We've been together for so long already, it just confuses me why things have turned out this way?"

I didn't reply her then, cos I didn't have a ready answer to that. I thought of some friends who cling on to a relationship despite at a stalemate, despite the unhappiness and discontentment, despite the accusations and lack of trust.
All because "we've been together for XXX years already, it'd be such a waste if we break up just like that....."

And I realise I do have the answer to your question now... If you really sit down and think about it, putting nostalgic and emotions aside, it's really a simple thing really - it's not how many years you all had, cos what's past is past. I think you should focus on how many years ahead you can foresee with this person by your side. Then when the going gets tough, at least it's a stamina to keep you en track.

You'll do just fine, my friend. Just don't lose heart nor give up.. All's not lost yet.