My Brother(s)

Was on msn when Joel came talk to me. Joel... one of my most treasured friends and whom I'd gladly give up anything for. Came complaining to me about his sucky pizza dinner.. Then updates about my life and his life. Apparently there's been 3 gunpoint robberies in his area in the past one week. Yeah, THREE in a week. No kidding. Told him to arm himself and not to go out when it's dark. Like avoiding vampires, he said. Kinda cracked me up.. haha. :)

cowie: u noe, recently i've been feelin abit weird
cowie: abit outta sorts
cowie: u got dat feelin b4? like abit lost
jia: wat tok u? i'm the master of lostnesses leh.. haha
cowie: aawww..................... dun sae until lidat leh
cowie: dun juz lost.. mebi abit empty inside bah
cowie: hmm.. juz not as "fulfillin" as b4
jia: haha why is that so?
cowie: mebi work.. pms? haha
jia: ok.... well got to have a balance life esp when u enter into the work force... its very easy to be sucked into the system
jia: haha.. dun join the matrix
cowie: matrix??? wat a wae to put it.. haha
cowie: *beat ur head*
jia: *head vibrates*

Went on to talk about the weird msg I received from Jordan at 12plus today...

cowie: huang text me today.. ask me to sms jasmine in kl, her bday today
cowie: so weird!
jia: haha.. anw i think he eating too many pills alr. been wanting to ask him to go for a liver function check. coz i am worried that he is intaking so many stuff... might not be doing his liver any good
cowie: its e same old rite? lifepak green tea doremifaso
jia: think he taking close to 10 - 15 pills a day. not very good lah
cowie: !!!!
jia: to be very honest.. from a health professional perspective.. the supplements are good lah.. but cannto take so many. coz although they help with the antibodies and vit n watever
jia: we cant replace wat the body is supposed to do in the first place
jia: which is producing them in the first place
cowie: yalor...............
jia: so as a result..... the body might get weaker. an irony if u ask me
cowie: i tink take a few enuff ald.. too ks it mite be bad coz body'll rely on external chemicals
jia: its the truth
cowie: he seems unhappy leh..im worried fer his psychological state
cowie: all he toks abt is nuskin.. n seriously, i tink he's losing frens
jia: he is
jia: he is getting all the associates
jia: but not friends
cowie: yup...n he cherishes frenships
jia: but at least he is making money
cowie: but he aint happy.... can c in his eyes. tis emptiness =(
cowie: n i feel very xin tong
jia: well... ppl have to learn lah
cowie: when i tell him he looks unhappy, he say "izit?? dats weird.. coz im still feelin high"..
jia: sometimes the hard way
cowie: i shut up immediately
cowie: sigh
cowie: im happy hes makin money.. with his LV wallet, new swanky hp etc. but beneath it all, i dun envy him
cowie: hes like using material gds to make himself feel bttr
jia: i really dun noe where to view this.. but watever it is.. i would try to be there should he fall
cowie: same here
cowie: i juz wished he'd stop e front. i've been in it b4, i noe he's tryin not to say anythg negative abt the "biz".. coz it mite deter us from joinin or re-joinin
cowie: but dat kinda defeats e purpose of a proper healthy frenship, dun u tink?
jia: haha i juz find it twisted... on the fact that its a health promoting job... but its not healthy in my perspective
cowie: yeah too many grey areas..
jia: haha.. oh well.... we shall see how it goes

* * * * * * * * * * *

Don't know la.. think so much worry so much also no use. Just hope my dear brother be well. I know we can't go back to how we used to be. We've changed. Both of us. And I am ashamed too, to face his family especially. Somehow I feel I could've handled the whole incident better. Ever since I left.... Sighs. If only we had known each other under different circumstances, then it won't be so hard to even drop by and say hi now. Nonetheless, I do appreciate and will always remember the help they rendered, no matter what motives they might have that point in time.

Wishing Jordan and his family all the best....

Number 24

Your Birthdate: October 24

Born on the 24th, you have a greater capacity for responsibility and helping others than you may have realized. You may also become the mediator and peacemaker in inharmonious situations. Devoted to family, you tend to manage and protect. This birth date adds to the emotional nature and perhaps to the sensitivities. Affections are important to you; both the giving and the receiving.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Happy Birthday to ME!

WOOHOO!! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY! I'M OFFICIALLY 23!

*Poppers go off, streamers sail across the room, and confetti starts falling like snow*

Hee. It's been a B-E-A-utiful day. As early as last Sat I've been receiving well wishes and prezzies from friends from all walks of life: colleagues, ex colleagues, uni pals, jc buddies, pri sch buddies, cousins.. And also different parts of the world! >> Perth (a big *MUAKS* to dearie Jiawei for his sketchy cake with candles that was delivered to me via msn at 0004 hrs, and for the e-card this afternoon. Typical KS Singaporean, muahaha).. Suzhou (my good friend-mentor-boss, who text me using Singtel website :D smart woman she).. KL (thank you Karen, I'll cya in Dec when I come vist with Reub!)..

** Special thanks to the following friends: **

++ Danlin, Shirley, Kate and Haze for the dinner and prezzies on Sat. I used the bag just now and it suits me to a T!

++ Am and Jes for the short but uber comfy coffee session at California Bistro. And of cos the GIFT VOUCHERS from Wisma...... whahahaha

++ Nelson, for calling me at lunch and for being such an AWESOME buddy all these years. I'm lookin forward to the day when your little gal can call me "godma"! Hee~

++ Shuzhuang, for remembering my birthday even though we've not contacted in quite a while. My pri sch buddy, we go waaayy back, don't we? Must catch up soon babe!!

++ Clarence and Angie and Roh, for that surprise call from office tis morning!! Really really appreciate it! And Chungming and Linda too. You guys rock! Makes A**os**n a much better place.

++ Nana, for announcing via your msn nick that it's my birthday today and for being such a dear for all 23 years I've known you. AND for the Alize J you promised to get for me from duty-free!! I'm so looking forward to our Waruku dinner in November!

++ Desmond, for digging out that baby photo I went gaga over, and making such a lovely card outta it! I know how much "patience" you have. Especially when it comes to finding stuff, haha. Really quite touched. The card's damn nice :D Looking forward to my present when we meet up this week, muahaha~

++ Hendrix, for remembering u still owe me that "factory boy full monty"! No worries, I'll get my gals so you'll have a standing ovation at the end of it... pun so-not intended, ahahaha.

** And not forgetting my family: **

++ Mommy dearest, for keeping me company today and for all that you are and have been these past 23 years. And Daddy dearest, for the hardwork and efforts you've put in for our family. For spoiling me to no ends, for really unconditional love and things you'll do for your little gal, and for providing us the best whenever.

If you've read this entry till now, thank you for surviving all those mushy things I've penned, haha! If you know me well enough long enough, I wasn't a very expressive person before. But I've learnt to start showing appreciation for people who matter. In terms of words and gestures. Dad recently commented I've become 'softer'.. lol. In any case, thanks for everything. Even if our paths may have just crossed for a short while...

Thank you.

Siong Saturday!!

So scary. Yesterday was MADNESS. I repeat. M-A-D-N-E-S-S!!

Let me relate what happened yesterday and you'll understand why I said it's madness and why I'm so stoned now:

** Morning meeting ** (0730 - 1200)
First, I had executive meeting from 9-11am. Had to wake up at 730 on a SAT morning and dress up for the day cos I'm not going home after the meeting. Did my presentation and program launch which got thumbs-up from senior management. Happy of cos, it's me and HR's brainchild! CEO said it was inspirational, will get me involved if there's any management talks in future. Don't know whether to laugh or cry....... still lack a certain chemistry with him, like don't really know how to continue his conversation. Stuff he says sometimes a bit "hard to continue". LOL! Kev came to talk to me after the meeting, and ED caught us.

"Hey, tonight shall we go to the pub where Kev's singing?"

I looked at Kev. Kev returned with a stupefied look. Trying to save the situation, I replied with a, "Oh.. but who do you want to ask?"

"Try and ask around? Get as many as you can. You should be quite free right? Your bf's not in Singapore, haha.."

No escaping now.... Kev looked as though he's about to cry.

"Tell them I'll subsidise half the bill," she generously offered.

"Wah!! Ok that makes things a lot more easier..haha. I'll try getting as many as possible, shall confirm with you later okie."

Kev was petrified and stressed out. LOL! "So last minute, how to get people? Tell her another time. Please?"

"Never mind, I'll just try. She's been wanting to go your pub for the longest time. But last week she had appointment so it was cancelled." Anyway the rest of the day I had a hell of a hard time contacting everyone. Mobile rang the whole time with "who's going?" and "what time are we meeting?" to "what's the occasion?". HELP.

** Lunch and coffee ** (1200 - 1400, 1430 - 1730)
After meeting had lunch with mom. Then rushed to meet Jes and Am at Esplanade for coffee. California Bistro's cool. But Jes found the place expensive. The gals got me what I needed most at this moment - vouchers from Wisma!!! Can go shopping for my work wear. Yippee~!

Am left at 4 (work beckons), and Jes and I went the new Marina Sq to shop. We bought pants from G2!! Nice form fitting ones. I'm gonna wear them on Tue. The best's yet to come >> I FINALLY got my killer black pumps!!!!!!! So sexy ya know. Leather, pointy front. And in an innovative design that gives it more ventilation. You can't go wrong with Italian-designed stuff.. Trust me. Damn comfortable too. Costs a cool 79, but the salesgirl signed me as a "regular" customer and gave 10% discount! In actual fact, have to purchase $100 and above to entitle for membership and further discounts.... Guess she likes us. Grins. I'm definitely gonna patronize that shop again. :)

** Dinner ** (1745 - 2130)
Parted with Jes around 5+ and rushed (again) to Bugis. Supposed to meet Danlin, Kate and Shirley at 6 but was late!! My crowd-manoveuring skills were a little off yesterday. Must have been the lack of sleep.. Reached at 620 instead, with Danlin's car parked on illegal double yellow line for a full 20mins. Hahaha.. Sorry bud for the surge in your cortisol levels! Make it up to you next time..

Dinner's at Sculpture Square's My Secret Garden. Quaint, cosy, quiet eatery at Waterloo St. The last time I went was with Reon for our anniversary dinner 2 years back. Wasn't too impressed with it that time, but chose it this time round anyways for its ambience and relatively private setting in the middle of town.

You know what they say about 3 women and a market. Well, imagine FOUR of us, all crappy as shit and laughing our asses off with jokes about "Shhhh.. its a seeeecrrreet" to some "seeecret" camera taping our CONVERSATION (demonstrated by Danlin's exaggerated forte tone and widening of eyes to emphasize her point). Even had Danlin and Shirley doing a little Bollywood number around the bamboo trees. The rest of the diners thought we've went amok. Muahahah..

Took quite a few pictures, real funny ones too!! Thanks gals for the fun-filled evening. I've never laughed so much for such a long time already. Real sweet of them too to give me two surprises: a triple-chocolate cake slice and cool work tote that I thought Kate bought for herself!! The second one really caught me offguard, cos before dinner I was looking at the bag and telling Kate, "Wahhhh you're changing image! There's ribbon on it!! Hahaha!" Little did I know it's actually for me..... Faints.

** Post dinner drinks ** (2145 - 0030)
As I said, mobile kept ringing during dinner. Suddenly everybody's on about Bar Celona, haha! Which's good as it shows I've got decent PR skills :P Actually, I think it's because half the bill's subsidised. Asked Kate along as Junming's still at the office. Can introduce her to my colleagues who've now become my chums too.. I love bringing people together!

We arrived first, after which ED and HR arrived. One by one, the kampung started forming. Angie, Adrian, Lawrence, Melvin, Alan, Nicole n bf, Kate and I. Stefan'll join us after his midnight show. Anyway the group ain't too big nor too small. Fun time mingling, and the boys were like, "why you brought an attached one along??" Hey! Not I want either... all my galfrens are so good they're all attached.

Anyway, we started chatting about personal stuff. And suddenly the focus's on me and my long distance relationship. Feel like being gnawed by papparazi some point in time. Luckily Kate was there to give me moral support.. Anyway I'm so glad I organised the outing, cos it kinda showed a different side of everyone.

** Post Barcelona ** (0100 - 0300)
Things wrapped up close to 1, left me Alan Lawrence Adrian and Kate. Alan asked if I'm joining Kate or them at momo. Went with them cos Junming's coming to pick her already. So funny, I had 3 different car models to choose from, LOL! Adrian, Lawrence and Alan all drove. In the end took Alan's cos' more chummy with him. But so unlucky. On our way to the club it started pouring!! Did a 5-meter dash to the entrance.... So pathetic! Sobs.

Momo crowd's getting from bad to worse. Music too. No wonder Jos and Coco had a bad experience there. Danced a little bit cos I'm the only gal and there's not enough alcohol in my system. Talked, or rather, yelled more than we danced. Real happy that Stefan came. Gave me face :) Party ended at 3 and went Newton's to have teh halia and sotong sambal with Alan. Roadblocks aplenty in AMK and Yishun where he stays.....

** Home sweet home ** (0400 - 1130)
FINALLY got home at 4 in the morn. Bathed and hit the sack as soon as I can..... didn't wake till 11 the next morning. I need to sleep!!

So there you have it... my super tiring Saturday. Everybody met up with me cos they're working on Monday. Wanted to go tanning today but really too tired. Need to recuperate and get back my strength! Plus the alcohol-induced bowel movements are making it a little hard to go out.. But it's good; can clear my system. LOL! I wish..

Now, what to do tomorrow? Hmm.

Double Happiness

Today's my mummy's birthday!!! WOOHOO!!

Her 53rd to be exact.. and she still doesn't look a day over 50. Guess that's where I got my baby-face genes from. Just ordered a bouquet of 12 red roses bundled with Ferrero chocolates (her fave brand) via the internet. Should reach her before noon..

Tonight I'm treating her to dinner at Wasabi. Authentic Jap food at our hangout place, Compasspoint. After that most probably shop around. I need new suits and new pumps! Need to look more corporate..

Second happiness? I'VE GOT A PAY RAISE! YEEAAHHH!! Quite a good figure too. Yesterday around 4+ boss msned me about it, my first thought was "FINALLY...." :)

"Keep up the good work," she said.

I was practically over the moon. Don't know why but little words of encouragement or concern, from boss especially, makes me feel less edgy and kinda motivates me. Perhaps I see her as both mentor and good friend. It really does help when you're friends with your colleagues/bosses =)

Age Issues

"So what did you do on Saturday?"

"Oh I caught a midnight show and went Mustafa," *clicks* the computer screen before me went blank. Resting my eyes for a while, I continued chatting with Kate on the phone.

"Wahhh happening."

"Erms. The most stupidest thing happend: initial plan was to catch errr... what's that show again? (pauses) Wait I know this.. gimme a sec.... OH!! DEUCE bigalow.."

"Mmm hmm.. and?"

"And I forgot to bring my identity card. They refused entry and.."

"AHAHAHHAHAHAh... sorry. but... MUAAHAHAHAHHAHAahaha.." My dear friend started laughing hysterically from the other end of the phone.

"Thanks yah..." I muttered.

"No no.. it's just so..... so 'kum'. (After a 2-sec pause) AHAHAHahhahaha... okok.. sooooorrieee.....(faint sniggers in the background)"

I was actually amused by Kate's reaction. Mainly cos I DO THINK it is the stupidest thing EVER. I mean, C'MON! Do I look like bloody SEVENTEEN to you??? Ok, I may look a teeeeeeny baby-faced..... but C'MMMONnn, I'm turning like.. 23 in a couple of days! Sheesh. Can't believe how ridiculous Singaporeans can get. Rules for almost everything and anything. Hmmm why do I sound like a certain somebody.

"Yeah stupid huh? We were so stumped by the whole thing. I almost dumped my large box of popcorn on the stupid errr.... 'ticket checker' (whatever you call those people)."

Best part was when we went back to the ticket booth. Just as I was making noise about 'what rule is that??? Never heard of it before!', my eyes fell on a sign placed strategically on the left corner of the counter that read:

Golden Village reserves the right to refuse entry to those without any identification for movies rated NC16, M18 and R21. We wish to apologize for any inconveniences caused.

"So in the end we changed show to 'Skeleton Key' instead. Ok show. A bit weird though. Gives u that kinda queasy feeling.."

"Should've caught 'Flight Plan'! It's good."

"It's good?? Seems like a stupid show.. she seems like hallucinating,"

"Nah, she didn't. Conspiracy kinda stuff.. "

"Okok now DON'T tell me the story now!! I'll go catch it soon since it's about conspiracies... heh,"
"Yup u should. Gotta run already.. Appointment just text me. Haha.. I'll cya tomorrow for lunch or Friday eh?"

"Ok! Good luck and eat her up!!! Wahahah.."

Tidied my desk and made some phone calls to disturb people. Have got a few people asking me out for my birthday:

- This Sat afternoon's reserved for high tea with my beloved die-hard loyal-to-one-another musketeers, Ammie and Jes. They asked me to choose the venue. I'm still racking my brains on this. Any suggestions people?

- Later tonight most likely meeting my bro-till-death-do-us-part-also-bro buddy, Nelson, for coffee/dinner. Depending on how much work I can finish. Gotta prepare for SAP seminar this Friday, as well as this Sat's meeting.. And I've been given a 15-min slot to talk!

- During lunch just now, Angie and Kev were talking about Clarence's birthday celebration on Tue. His birthday's 27 Oct.

"Come join! Can celebrate yours too," Clarence offered.

"But mine's on Monday.. 25th a bit no point right?"

"Yours not Sunday?? I thought 23rd. hahaah oops~"

i shot him my deadliest stare.

"Come la.. alamaks,"

"But where you guys going??"

"Anywhere la.. come la, you shall decide."

"Hor! So THAT'S your motive eh?? Asked me along so YOU don't have to rack your brains.... "

He simply grinned. That stupid boy........ Well, shall see how. They've asked Joan and Priscilla along too. Ex-colleagues of A**o*can and whom I've absolutely zilch idea of.

- Danlin asked what my plans are too. She suggested KTV or something. I guess I'll have to go with that. Can ask the whole kampong along too.. haha

- Kate's gonna plan something with Des and Hendrix I think. She asked if I wanna ask the OB crew instead. "Erms no. I don't even consider myself part of the crew already. They go out and don't bother asking me. So what's the point?"

Yup that's about what I have for now. For the convenience of all, here's my wishlist:

1. G2000 vouchers
2. Southaven vouchers
3. This pair of Charles & Keith shoes I've been searchin high and low for: Model number ART#430029, Black color, Size 38
4. Vouchers from any sports shop that sells exercise ball (I'm looking for one to do exercises at home)
5. Surprises surprises surprises.. I'm a sucker for them =P like flowers to my office perhaps? wahahah.. dream on gal......
6. No cakes please!! (so unhealthy)
7. Watch shop vouchers would be cool too (I've set my next acquirement on a DKNY watch I saw at Tampines Mall)
8. Mont Blanc vouchers
9. GG<5 vouchers
10. Manicure-pedicure package

MC day

Had lunch with the sales guys after our trainin at ST Electronics. Now back in my comfy room cos I'm on MC today. Yesterday felt damn ill. Head was splitting and felt super weak. Even had problems walking in a straight line. This is my 7th time this year that I've had stomach flu.

"Please please PLEASE.... for the very last time. Be a good girl for ONE month and stick to nonfat non-spicy non-starchy non-sourish non-raw foods? Don't wait till you get old and wrinkly and your digestive system starts failing, and come crying to me!" Dr Chong warned.

"Yes 'mum' (sulks)..... But sweets can take right?"

"Help yourself. I know what you want," and opens her jar of Fruity Chews for me.

"No wonder you're my doctor.. hahaha!"

Quickly downed my medicine before meeting Des and Kate for coffee at Tampines. Well, I didn't drink coffee, had (boring) Earl Grey instead. Didn't want to risk it. Old already so must take care.. Don't want to become a burden to anyone should anything happen.

Went Fishermen's after coffee. Des suggested and we coaxed Kate to go. Hope the seabreeze and our company will help her feel less troubled.

First half was quiet. I didn't really feel like talking. Just wanted to enjoy the peaceful scenery before me. Stars were all out. Not as much as the time when I travelled to Pulau Dayang, but it more than sufficed. And my guess was correct, Des IS a water sign. Somehow I click best with water signs, being one myself. Another surprise: his birthday's the same as Jes's! I'm gonna be so so broke this coming March..

Orders for the night was calamari and beer, and mango juice for the one-with-stomach-flu.

"I think ah. This is PEEL FRESH mango juice...." I proudly declared with an exaggerated appreciative nod.

"Is it?" Des eyed me. Shit.. he doesn't seemed all too convinced.

"Haiya, trying to make myself feel better can? I can't drink!!!" ARGHHH..

All of us laughed.

Second half was more noisy after the pub closed. We talked about stuff from 1st crush to plans in 5 years' time. Most times I was practically leaning my head on the chair's edge and looking up at the sky. So velveteen. So pristine. I wonder how many stars are out tonight?

Fell asleep in the car and was awoken when Kate closed the car door. Almost bit Des's head off for not sending her up... Concussed at 330 and had 4 hours' sleep. It was so sweet of Alan to offer a ride to ST. Else I'd need to wake up even earlier. Just now he even bothered to send me home after lunch.. It's folks like him that make my day. :)

Well, gtg get some rest. Fatigue's setting in and I foresee a madcap tomorrow at the office. Happy mid-week people. 2 more days to go!!!

The Night Buble grabbed my Hand...

Yeah I wished he did.

It was me who went grabbing his hand.

My first night with the "Young Wanker" (as he so termed himself) turned out fan-tastic. My first night going for a concert alone! Haha now how brave is that?? Tried getting some folks to go along but no takers. So i thought, Oh whatever, I'll just go myself. One can't talk during concerts anyways.

Stadium was PACKED when I reached. And yes, once again it has been confirmed-chopped-guaranteed that I am indeed claustrophobic. Had my smoke and walked towards the sign that says "Premier Entrance".

There was a snake forming in front of the entrance. Not believing my eyes, and since I can't see what's in front (queue's way too long), I asked the couple in front if this is the premier entrance queue.

"Yes, it is," the woman looked at me oddly.

HELLO... how the hell would I know right? Wait queue queue queue in the end it's for some other ticket category. Maybe she's jealous her husband kept smiling at me, haha.. Ok I'm bored.

This my 4th time at the Indoor Stadium catching some show. The first time was during my kiddo years. The famous Moscow Circus troupe. Only remembered my family and my dad's friend's family seated at the back of the stadium. Like super bacck.. Till the elephants look like deers instead. Second time was Jay Chou's 1st concert in Singapore, third time was Mayday's concert which I treated Reon to for our birthday celebration. Ahhhh...those were the days.

Concert finally started at 840pm. The band was 12-piece: with piano, bass, drums, guitarist, and a 8-man trombone-sax-trumpet band that provided much of the goofy antics for the night. Buble opened with big band jazzy "Feeling Good", standing atop a low pedestal with spotlights beaming from the floor behind him. Bronze-and-gold colored effects lighting enhanced the atmosphere and fanfare of his opening number. Clad in a suit, he looked like a walking irony himself with some baby fat on his face and tousled sand-blonde hair.

The most hilarious part was when he cajoled his band into posing for pictures.

"C'mon.." he said to us sitting in the prime seats, "you paid good money for your seats. So take as many pictures as you want, alright!"

Flashes went off.

"Ok wait wait.. just hold, just hold on a sec. (flashes cease) You gotta wait till I put on my best model pose eh? (we all laughed).

(Turns back to band behind him) Band listen. Now, on the count of 3, we shall give them our best suavalicious posse alright?? (the 8 fellas nod). On the count of three.. 1, 2, 3!"

Buble spins round flashing his pearly whites in a mischevious grin while the 8 fellas behind him ended up in a variety of poses from Charlie's Angels to Elvis Presley's hand-under-chin classic look. The cameras went berserk and almost lit up the stadium with flash after power flash.

I was estactic. Now this is a side of Buble I've never gotten to see. He IS one chap with the most evil humor. I love men with acerbic humor!!! Even thanked the men in the audience for coming, cos' most probably they've been persuaded by their girlfriends and wives and thinking,

"Fuck Buble, I'll rather watch TV!" or "You little wanker you....." if they happened to see the cover of his latest album.

I melted when he sang "Try a little Tenderness". Such a beautiful song.. with equally lovely lyrics. He upped the concert another notch when he scooted offstage towards the back of the stadium. Just to let his fans at the back take better pictures of him.

"And you there, you guys are so cute. If you take pictures of me from that far away, I'll look like an ant!" We laughed.

"Won't be able to tell if it's Buble or the piano, you know.." More laugher erupts.

Then without warning, the young wanker leapt off the stage and sprinted to the back. I stood up and clapped and cheered him on. Really appreciate singers who're not glued to the stage.. Saw him kiss a couple of girls and started to feel all envious and wistful.

Please please PLEASE.... let him walk this side on his way back to the stage... plleeaaasseeee Yes, I started praying silently. In the middle of a jazz concert. Just to see that suave wanker up close and personal.

AND HE DID!!! I was in the 3rd seat from the left.. and seeing him approach this way, I squeezed my way behind the couple in the next seats and found a good position along the aisle. He was so baby faced.. and looked so happy like a little boy experiencing his first swing at the playground.

His right hand's free. Coast clear.

Without ado, I reached forward and grabbed his hand. Surprised, he turned around to look. In those split, blink-and-you'll-miss-it moments, he caught my eye and smiled. I smiled and released the briefest handshake I ever took in my life.

I couldn't stop grinning after that. And if I had my way, I'd have given myself a pat on the back right there. For being courageous enough to attend the concert alone AND to grab Buble's hand when the chance came. Now, if only I could kiss him on the cheek...

The night continued with more melting renditions of songs and side-splitting impersonations of famous artistes. Especially that of the other Michael. MJ that is. He did "Billie Jean" together with the crotch-clutching dance and lock-dance. Pretty good I must say.. High point was when he did a Maroon 5 number "This Love". Got the crowd dancing and groovin for a while.

My fave part of the show? When he sang Ray Charles's "You don't know me" and Stevie Wonder's "You and I". I almost cried.. cos' the lyrics to the second song spoke right to my heart.

Concert ended with jazzy dance tunes that got the crowd up on their feet. I thoroughly enjoyed myself I must say. The 127 bucks were worth it alright.

"I won't take so long to come back again, I promise."

You better keep your words, Mr Buble.

Brink of burnout?

Just showered. Stoning in front of my computer now feeling all drained of energy. My eyes are tired. But I can't sleep yet, don't know why.

Was at Paulaners with Des and Ping. Met them for dinner after work. It's been a typhoonic day, with me rushing my preparation for TP seminar and a few other last minute nonsense. Dear A*tos**nians, if you wish to have something completed by Marketing, please DO NOT hand it to me at the very last minute. Your cooperation is much appreciated.

Overtimed till 7 for the past few days rushing things. Don't get me wrong, I do love my job. It's just that I've a nagging feeling that the CEO has kind of changed his opinion of me already.

During Tue morning's appraisal...

Boss: Ok now I've some things to discuss with you about. Remember the n2n logo that CEO asked you to do?
Me: (nodding) Yeah.
Boss: Did he give you a deadline?
Me: Nope. I asked him and he said 'Its ok, take your time no hurry'.
Boss: Ok, so he didn't specify when?
Me: Nope. That's why I gave it to him a week later. Why?
Boss: Cos' ED told me he commented on us and the lateness of the logo.
Me: (eyes as wide as saucers and WTF's going off in my head) Late??? But he didn't even give me a deadline!
Boss: I thought he didn't too cos' I remembered you telling me he said 'take your time'.
Me: Has he spoken to you yet?
Boss: Nope. But I'll speak to him soon to understand what he's thinking. This might seem a trivial case but I don't wish things like this to accumulate. Bad impressions are usually built from little unhappy incidents...
Me: Yeah i think u should talk to him too.

That was the first incident. Second incident was about a powerpoint presentation that he needed to send to HP. Boss and I had to rush for him. Guess why? He wanted it by noon and ONLY informed us at 10. Yes I was upset: if you want quality, better inform us beforehand. Sorry we're not paid to firefight. And most certainly not so because of your inability to plan your time well. After we handed him our document, he said he has gone through it and sent to HP already.

About 630pm on my way out of office, he called me into his room. Mentioned he'd like to insert some other info into the slides. But he didn't say he needs it done by that nite, and only said he'll send the info to my email. I was silly too. Didn't ask him when he needs it. Assumed that he only needs it tomorrow morning, I said "Ok I'd rush out for u 1st thing tomorrow morning." But turned out he had expected me to stay back and help him....... Sigh. What a big fucking misunderstanding! He called me at 8 that same night to say no need to help him tomorrow morning as he did the slides already. At that point in time, I was still totally unaware that he had expected me to stay back and help.

Sighs. Before boss told me about this 2 incidents I had already sensed his difference in attitude towards me. Don't know if boss has spoken to him yet. I'll just lie low till she has sought his understanding... During today's TP seminar I was so stressed and tired out. Lack of vitamin zzz don't maketh a good salesperson, not for me at least. Was a bit stoned and had so many other tasks on my mind that I wasn't really focused on the event. Plus I wasn't informed we had a booth till like 1 or 2 weeks before the event!!! So last minute.............. I have to say I didn't really do a good job. Could feel CEO's golfball eyes boring into the back of my head as I tried to help out during the seminar. Whatever la huh. I know boss trusts me. It's the most important thing to me cos' I perform best when my boss gives me 100% trust. Of course there'll be the occasional guidance I need but at least she doesn't do last minute checks on my work (like what CEO did this morning asking me to print the TP slides for him to see). Kind of sensed he'll make comments so I quickly went back to my other tasks after passing him the handouts. Sigh. Don't know how I'll die when boss goes for maternity leave. Yikes!

After TP went back office and stayed till 645 before meeting Des. Clarence was like "today's Friday why are you still in the office at 6??" Work bah bro.... You also what. Crapped a bit and it helped alleviate my mood. 1st thing when I met Des, i just sat slumped next to him at the bustop and muttered "Sian......"

Maybe I'm being a bit negative now. Just hate the disorganised stage the company's going through right now. No structure nothing. I can understand that with the recent merger and everything, a lot of restructuring's going on. But seriously, it's taking a wee bit too long. When I edited the corporate profile for Nicole's tender document I don't even know what to put inside our BRM. Nor do I know if or when N2N's gonna happen for that matter. Yes, we do have a lot of contacts with CEO's help and I appreciate that. But without someone to head the internal operations, how are we gonna deliver our best to clients when business come calling?

I seriously don't know. Just doing my best for the company right now.. Hope I don't get crushed by subjective opinions and impressions.

JB trip

My 1st JB night-ktv-club trip!

It all happened with some smses, few phone calls, and couple more hours later I'm in the co-driver seat and Kate at the back. With Des's directory, we managed to hunt down possibly the most ulu-ly located Shell petrol station along some ulu road in the most ulu part of Woodlands.

At JB customs in search of white cards..

"Ok, that time Junming and I went to that office on the right to get. Dorh dorh... That one.. THAT one.. (Des misses the office and drives to the left).. ON THE RIGHT!!!"

We ended up on the left, with some plant barrier separating the office from our car. Great.

I pointed to a sign ahead. "Embarkation Card Centre". Should have white cards right? Kate got out and came back with a stack of cards.

No ringgit in our pockets, we had to pay the toll in SGD. The woman asked for 2.60 SING when it usually costs only 2.60RM. A miniscule capture of the state of corruption our neighbor is in... Kate wasn't too happy at all.

"Never mind... small money only." Just get me into JB as fast as possible..

We FINALLY got on the bridge to JB after all that panic and fluster.

"WOOHOO!!!! I'm outta Singapore!!!!" I suddenly yelped in joy.

Kate n Des thought I had went nuts.

"Well, this IS the furthest I can get away on such short notice. Just makin the most outta this erms.. VACATION.. heh."

We braved the JB traffic with sweat on our brows and managed to get to City Square in one piece. Hendrix's friends wanted to go New York Hotel's NYClub. And since we're there so decided to just tag along. Clubwear for the night? Me in red polo shirt and army capris and nerdy specs; Des in blue polo and denim capris and nerdy specs; Kate in black singlet and jeans and heels (the most well-dressed among us 3).

Beer was some watery gassy thingy that had me burping and feelin ewwww after a few bottles. Even the tequila shot we had tasted SWEET. More like 7-up than anything else. But the music saved us all: hip hop n trip hop. WOOHOO!! My kinda moosic!! Smoked chimneys (a new term I learnt from Stefan that meant shitload of cigs), and stayed till abt 4am. Left JB finally after some teh halia n sup ayam..

How was the experience? Pretty ok I would say. But a little way too impromptu. I totally didn't know we're gonna club, and we didn't even have Ringgit nor white cards on us. Got home at 6 this morning after sending the rest home. Des and I almost ended up in Tuas after sending Hendrix back. LOL! It'll really be happy new year if that happened...

So there, my virgin night drive to JB and virgin trip to JB's ktv and club scene. I believe there'll be many more to come in future.. Hendrix even mentioned KL next weekend. My turf!!! Heh. Till next time~

Friday

My Friday turned out not-so-boring after all. Was quite stressed out in the day cos' had A LOT OF SHIT to do. Seriously. I like to think I can take a fair bit of stress, but yesterday was way over my limit. Got worse when my "baby" was criticised and not approved by the big bosses. Sigh.. that presentation was the brainchild of my CTO and I - it's a speech and presentation for Temasek Poly this coming Friday during their logistics seminar. And the title of our presentation? "Don't Waste Time on RFID". Catchy right? Attention grabbing right?? Sure to make people sit up and notice, and wonder what the contents will be, RIGHT??? The gist of the speech's about the homework companies need to do before taking up RFID. Else, "don't waste time on RFID". Geddit?

But bosses said it's a joke. Wtf? When my immediate boss told me I was like, "didn't they read the SYNOPSIS?!? That paragraph just BELOW the title?!" Yes I was pissed, cos' the synopsis explains how the title came about. That's what synopses are for. DUH. Well, apparently some people don't bother READING at all. CTO was rather disappointed too, cos' he got the idea from our HP (hewlett packard) partner about grabbing people's attention to make one's speech stand out. But our dear CEO's stand was 'Asians are Asians; can't adopt American style here.' Yeah, yeah. That's precisely why we're always behind them, you i*iot.. We're TOO CONSERVATIVE! So pissed. First time I actually felt angry at my workplace. Usually don't like to lose my cool especially not in the office. But the reasons they're givin me are really too damn ridiculous and lame.

Our dear Exec Director even told my boss,

"If rebonding works for someone, doesn't mean it'll work for u right?"

Mas was dumbfounded and unwillingly kept quiet cos' it's seriously a shut up and listen to me tactic. If I were there at the meeting, I'll reply our dearest Exec Director..

"If you never try, you'll never know. If 13 years ago, you think starting a business works for other people, but doesn't mean it'll work for me too, then there'll be no A*ut*s*an. Oh, and no EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR S**n KT today."

Take that, thou-who-debate-unfairly!

Grrrrr.... Stupid self-righteous people. Peeved me even more cos' it is precisely this kinda culture that restricts the power and potential of marketing. And I mean, CREATIVE marketing. Not the typical cookie-cutter ads you see, but images, words, even a nice showroom that takes visitors' breath away. Clarence came to my desk in the morning telling me how professional HP's Cool Town is. The set-up. Whole look and feel of it. He's gonna bring me along the next time he's going down.

"Hello Marketing! Look at our own demo room. So sad-looking."

"Hellooooo Mister? Not that I don't wanna do anything. It's always the BUDGET problem. I feel damn sad for our Sales team too: no paper bags, no tokens for their customers even. Even our namecard looks so bad. Have submitted some new card designs to management already, just pending for the go-ahead."

So yeah, my baby was renamed to "Are you prepared for RFID?" instead (yawns). Such an insult to my work. That title's so bland, it can AND WILL BLEND in with all the rest. Bleah. Talk about making an impact... bullsh*t.

Luckily things got better and cushioned that sucky sunken feeling. In the pantry, Stef mentioned about no plans for the night. I'm like, "Same here.." He subsequently suggested Paulaners. The second I heard that word, my arm shot up. I'm IN! Haha. Well the band's good. Met up at Marina Sq for Jap food with Ignatius and had some good laughs over things happening in the technical team at 2nd floor. Yakked about my fave backpacking pastime too! :)

Paulaners was PACKED. I forgot they're having OktoberFest celebrations. But we got a table nonetheless. The waitress recognised me and let me jump queue. Band was AWESOME.. Hendrix and his friend joined us and commented the place's great, will definitely bring his other friends along next time. Paulaners's boss should seriously start paying me for helping them advertise.. haha. Chungming and Jeanette came about 12plus, and we went Dbl O together. By then I was already a bit flushed. Cos' downed the beer real quick and it was a special brew for OktoberFest, aka "strong beer". Had about 1.5 litres of the malt drink swish-swooshing in my tummy when we left for Dbl O.

Rest of the night was whiskey coke (one whole freaking jug to myself, sabotage courtesy of Jeanette and Hendrix). It got to a point when I'm a bit gone. But still know what I'm doing of course. Concussed in Chungming's car and didn't even know he has sent Jeanette back AND walked her up! Hahaha. Got home, showered. Text Hendrix that I'm home safely and konked out with DAMP hair. Too tired to wait till its dry..... Lovely way to end the week :)