Brink of burnout?

Just showered. Stoning in front of my computer now feeling all drained of energy. My eyes are tired. But I can't sleep yet, don't know why.

Was at Paulaners with Des and Ping. Met them for dinner after work. It's been a typhoonic day, with me rushing my preparation for TP seminar and a few other last minute nonsense. Dear A*tos**nians, if you wish to have something completed by Marketing, please DO NOT hand it to me at the very last minute. Your cooperation is much appreciated.

Overtimed till 7 for the past few days rushing things. Don't get me wrong, I do love my job. It's just that I've a nagging feeling that the CEO has kind of changed his opinion of me already.

During Tue morning's appraisal...

Boss: Ok now I've some things to discuss with you about. Remember the n2n logo that CEO asked you to do?
Me: (nodding) Yeah.
Boss: Did he give you a deadline?
Me: Nope. I asked him and he said 'Its ok, take your time no hurry'.
Boss: Ok, so he didn't specify when?
Me: Nope. That's why I gave it to him a week later. Why?
Boss: Cos' ED told me he commented on us and the lateness of the logo.
Me: (eyes as wide as saucers and WTF's going off in my head) Late??? But he didn't even give me a deadline!
Boss: I thought he didn't too cos' I remembered you telling me he said 'take your time'.
Me: Has he spoken to you yet?
Boss: Nope. But I'll speak to him soon to understand what he's thinking. This might seem a trivial case but I don't wish things like this to accumulate. Bad impressions are usually built from little unhappy incidents...
Me: Yeah i think u should talk to him too.

That was the first incident. Second incident was about a powerpoint presentation that he needed to send to HP. Boss and I had to rush for him. Guess why? He wanted it by noon and ONLY informed us at 10. Yes I was upset: if you want quality, better inform us beforehand. Sorry we're not paid to firefight. And most certainly not so because of your inability to plan your time well. After we handed him our document, he said he has gone through it and sent to HP already.

About 630pm on my way out of office, he called me into his room. Mentioned he'd like to insert some other info into the slides. But he didn't say he needs it done by that nite, and only said he'll send the info to my email. I was silly too. Didn't ask him when he needs it. Assumed that he only needs it tomorrow morning, I said "Ok I'd rush out for u 1st thing tomorrow morning." But turned out he had expected me to stay back and help him....... Sigh. What a big fucking misunderstanding! He called me at 8 that same night to say no need to help him tomorrow morning as he did the slides already. At that point in time, I was still totally unaware that he had expected me to stay back and help.

Sighs. Before boss told me about this 2 incidents I had already sensed his difference in attitude towards me. Don't know if boss has spoken to him yet. I'll just lie low till she has sought his understanding... During today's TP seminar I was so stressed and tired out. Lack of vitamin zzz don't maketh a good salesperson, not for me at least. Was a bit stoned and had so many other tasks on my mind that I wasn't really focused on the event. Plus I wasn't informed we had a booth till like 1 or 2 weeks before the event!!! So last minute.............. I have to say I didn't really do a good job. Could feel CEO's golfball eyes boring into the back of my head as I tried to help out during the seminar. Whatever la huh. I know boss trusts me. It's the most important thing to me cos' I perform best when my boss gives me 100% trust. Of course there'll be the occasional guidance I need but at least she doesn't do last minute checks on my work (like what CEO did this morning asking me to print the TP slides for him to see). Kind of sensed he'll make comments so I quickly went back to my other tasks after passing him the handouts. Sigh. Don't know how I'll die when boss goes for maternity leave. Yikes!

After TP went back office and stayed till 645 before meeting Des. Clarence was like "today's Friday why are you still in the office at 6??" Work bah bro.... You also what. Crapped a bit and it helped alleviate my mood. 1st thing when I met Des, i just sat slumped next to him at the bustop and muttered "Sian......"

Maybe I'm being a bit negative now. Just hate the disorganised stage the company's going through right now. No structure nothing. I can understand that with the recent merger and everything, a lot of restructuring's going on. But seriously, it's taking a wee bit too long. When I edited the corporate profile for Nicole's tender document I don't even know what to put inside our BRM. Nor do I know if or when N2N's gonna happen for that matter. Yes, we do have a lot of contacts with CEO's help and I appreciate that. But without someone to head the internal operations, how are we gonna deliver our best to clients when business come calling?

I seriously don't know. Just doing my best for the company right now.. Hope I don't get crushed by subjective opinions and impressions.