My Brother(s)

Was on msn when Joel came talk to me. Joel... one of my most treasured friends and whom I'd gladly give up anything for. Came complaining to me about his sucky pizza dinner.. Then updates about my life and his life. Apparently there's been 3 gunpoint robberies in his area in the past one week. Yeah, THREE in a week. No kidding. Told him to arm himself and not to go out when it's dark. Like avoiding vampires, he said. Kinda cracked me up.. haha. :)

cowie: u noe, recently i've been feelin abit weird
cowie: abit outta sorts
cowie: u got dat feelin b4? like abit lost
jia: wat tok u? i'm the master of lostnesses leh.. haha
cowie: aawww..................... dun sae until lidat leh
cowie: dun juz lost.. mebi abit empty inside bah
cowie: hmm.. juz not as "fulfillin" as b4
jia: haha why is that so?
cowie: mebi work.. pms? haha
jia: ok.... well got to have a balance life esp when u enter into the work force... its very easy to be sucked into the system
jia: haha.. dun join the matrix
cowie: matrix??? wat a wae to put it.. haha
cowie: *beat ur head*
jia: *head vibrates*

Went on to talk about the weird msg I received from Jordan at 12plus today...

cowie: huang text me today.. ask me to sms jasmine in kl, her bday today
cowie: so weird!
jia: haha.. anw i think he eating too many pills alr. been wanting to ask him to go for a liver function check. coz i am worried that he is intaking so many stuff... might not be doing his liver any good
cowie: its e same old rite? lifepak green tea doremifaso
jia: think he taking close to 10 - 15 pills a day. not very good lah
cowie: !!!!
jia: to be very honest.. from a health professional perspective.. the supplements are good lah.. but cannto take so many. coz although they help with the antibodies and vit n watever
jia: we cant replace wat the body is supposed to do in the first place
jia: which is producing them in the first place
cowie: yalor...............
jia: so as a result..... the body might get weaker. an irony if u ask me
cowie: i tink take a few enuff ald.. too ks it mite be bad coz body'll rely on external chemicals
jia: its the truth
cowie: he seems unhappy leh..im worried fer his psychological state
cowie: all he toks abt is nuskin.. n seriously, i tink he's losing frens
jia: he is
jia: he is getting all the associates
jia: but not friends
cowie: yup...n he cherishes frenships
jia: but at least he is making money
cowie: but he aint happy.... can c in his eyes. tis emptiness =(
cowie: n i feel very xin tong
jia: well... ppl have to learn lah
cowie: when i tell him he looks unhappy, he say "izit?? dats weird.. coz im still feelin high"..
jia: sometimes the hard way
cowie: i shut up immediately
cowie: sigh
cowie: im happy hes makin money.. with his LV wallet, new swanky hp etc. but beneath it all, i dun envy him
cowie: hes like using material gds to make himself feel bttr
jia: i really dun noe where to view this.. but watever it is.. i would try to be there should he fall
cowie: same here
cowie: i juz wished he'd stop e front. i've been in it b4, i noe he's tryin not to say anythg negative abt the "biz".. coz it mite deter us from joinin or re-joinin
cowie: but dat kinda defeats e purpose of a proper healthy frenship, dun u tink?
jia: haha i juz find it twisted... on the fact that its a health promoting job... but its not healthy in my perspective
cowie: yeah too many grey areas..
jia: haha.. oh well.... we shall see how it goes

* * * * * * * * * * *

Don't know la.. think so much worry so much also no use. Just hope my dear brother be well. I know we can't go back to how we used to be. We've changed. Both of us. And I am ashamed too, to face his family especially. Somehow I feel I could've handled the whole incident better. Ever since I left.... Sighs. If only we had known each other under different circumstances, then it won't be so hard to even drop by and say hi now. Nonetheless, I do appreciate and will always remember the help they rendered, no matter what motives they might have that point in time.

Wishing Jordan and his family all the best....