Women

One of the many many things I lurve about women.. is that we discuss about things. We talk.. We share. We bond via this simple act of sharing what's troubling us, just like men bond over physical activity and beer. Had a couple of bonding sessions with galpals these past few nights, over smokes and drinks as we talked about the interesting faucets of life. Namely relationships..

Just had my caffeine+nicotine session with Kate. She's been feeling fed up over relationship stuff and seriously, who hasn't? On Sunday I had dinner with Jos and she too, has been considering being single again. On both sessions, similar things were discussed and opinions thrown to-n-fro. I'd say it has given me insights too into the dynamics of men-women relationships. One thing that Kate said really got stuck in my head. She said she knows about Jessen's lacking areas (for e.g. lack of chivalry), and yet chose to "never mind it" while subconsciously thinking he would change. Then I pointed out that's precisely the problem with many of us girls! We step into a relationship thinking that the man would change his whatever lacking or 'getting-on-our-nerves' traits. Jos was that too... hoping Ryan would be more open, talk more, spend more time with her.. etc etc and etc.

I totally understand where you're coming from girlfriends. But I've realised it's not healthy at all. You have to face yourself and ask yourself if you can stay with this man and ACCEPT him. His ways, his habits, his character and all. If you keep giving in and tolerating, while at the back of your mind thinking "maybe my tolerance will pay off one day and he'll change because he loves me", then I bet my money that you are gonna end up damn unhappy.

A lot of girls I notice too, enter a relationship with certain expectations that differ a hell lot from men. When we're single, we watch our own backs and we don't expect someone to do this or that for us. When we're attached, all that independence suddenly takes a second seat. Cos hey! If i wanna do all that by myself, I might as well stay single and not get attached right? Hence the expectation that our men will (and OUGHT to) help us run errands etc. Which unfortunately, gets misinterpreted by men as being "dependant" or "needy" or worse, "sticky".

Men on the other hand, wooed us when we're single and free-spirited girls who fend for themselves (I'm talking about most normal cases where both parties are unattached). That is the woman he was attracted to, and he expects her to stay that way when they get together. He certainly didn't expect her to become more demanding, and so didn't pay much attention I guess. Perhaps that's why women often wistfully comment that men were so much nicer during the chase and lazy after getting the catch.

I once read a story about a married woman being unhappy with her husband. After they got married, the flowers stopped. The gifts stopped. And the romantic poems all gone too. He's so caught up in his work that she feels neglected. She's being taken fer granted, cos' her husband isn't putting in enough efforts to maintain their relationship at all. It's always her thinking of new places to go, new ideas to spice up their relationship, her giving in and accompanying his friends.

5 yrs down the road, disheartened by his fading affection, she gave him an ultimatum. He was shocked. After a long while, he asked what can he do to change her mind. She answered slowly, "If there's a flower I want on a mountain cliff, and we both know that making u pick it will cause death. will u do it for me?". He replied, "I'll give u my answer tomorrow."

Her heart sank. He doesn't love her enough to go through the ordeal for her. The next morning she received his note on the dining table, "Honey, I will not pluck that flower for u. But please allow me to further explain the reasons." This 1st line has already broken her heart. She continued reading.

"You always leave your housekeys behind, I need to save my legs to rush home and open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I need my eyes to lead you the way.

You always have cramps whenever your "good friend" comes every month, I need my palm so I can calm your tummy cramps. You like to stay indoors, and I worry you'll be infected by infantile autism. I need to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories about my day to cure your boredom.

You're always on the computer, and that do no good to your eyes, I've to save my eyes so when we grow older, I can clip your nails and remove those annoying white hairs. I'll hold your hand, stroll down the beach, and enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sands... Tell you the color of flowers, just like the glow on your young face...

Thus my dear, before I'm sure there's someone who loves you more than I do.. I'll not pick the flower, n die... "

That's life, or some said, love. Despite being surrounded by love, when the feeling of excitement fades away, one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness. And it's easy to overlook the small little things because simply, they're so dull. In your mind, you still want the fireworks, the big surprise dinner, or giant bouquet of roses. One buddy has grown quite sick of her boyfriend and is spending more time with a new guy. I told her she's attracted to this new guy cos' he fills in her current beau's lacking areas. But that's about it. And it's because she focused on his lacking areas that made him look so bad... Has she tried shifting her focus to the times he was there for her?

I guess Love shows itself in any form, even in the most insignificant or corny form. It could also be the most incurious form. Flowers, romantic moments is only the buckish formed on the surface of the relationship. Under all these, the pillar of true love stands. And that's what life should be too. Materialistic things are only add-ons and accessories. The real hardy stuff that sees us through tough times are our values systems, family and frienship.