Badminton

Funny how a simple get-together with colleagues for post-work games had affected me so much.

Organised badminton for last evening since today's a public holiday. Turnout was ok; about 7 of us. Only booked one court so went on a rotational basis. My past few get-togethers with friends for sports were (and still remain) a time to goof around, laugh till tummy aches, and send balls flying all over/outside of the courts. Basically like kids having fun.

Last evening ended with me feeling totally outta sync with the activity and people involved. I dunno if it's that old feeling's back to haunting me again, but I do feel queasy and extremely so. Towards the end of the night, I was more rooted to the bench than being on the court itself.

I'm not one to hide what I'm feeling in front of people whom I take pride in terming as "friends". Friendship is an overrated terminology, which has spilled on to include genres of co-workers, acquaintances, or even your primary schoolmate who's in the class down the next corridor. Because I didn't manage to conceal my moodiness then, some became concerned. Including the one who triggered my uneasiness.

Of those I'd met, there'll be those who makes me feel totally comfortable being the goofball/clumsy oaf part I really am, and some others who never fail to make me feel I don't belong. Between the two, I've always had a bit more admiration for those who in understanding and being sensitive to the needs of others, take relish in exploiting their own inadequacies to make the rest feel comfortable.

This was unfortunately not the case during last evening's game, when I was runned down cruelly by a colleague/friend I'd grown to be fond of. Perhaps it had been a manifestation of unspoken hurt on a few previous occasions. I surrendered halfway through a game and passed the racket to another colleague who came over perhaps upon seeing my distraught face. All I knew is I had to leave the court to prevent further insults and to protect my esteem. Call me coward, but I chose to escape to the safety of the bench. At least I could be just an onlooker, instead of being pressured "to win the game" and being screwed when I miss a shot.

Most probably I'm rudely shocked by the idea of "post-work sports". My previous sessions with friends were all in good jest and less hot-headed competition. Plus we didn't care much about rules and regulations.

Wahlao! To hell with rules lah.. We're here to have fun. You wanna keep score you stand one side ah, warn you first.

And the rest of the time we'd either be 1) Swatting shuttlecocks into one another's ahem, vital parts, or 2) Making our opponents run from one end to the other end of the court.. or 3) Doing juggling acts with whatever equipment we have.

All in good fun, people. That's what friends do together. If I wanna compete, I wouldn't do it with people I care about, lest friends.

But then again, that's just me.

Thank God I met up with a sane soul after that for pool. Didn't join the badminton group for supper nor coffee. Enough's enough. At least with this friend, I know we treat each other with consideration. Jesting does NOT cross the line to become personal insults brimmed full of damaging disrespect.

Example of one previous brush with The-One-who-Triggered-my-Wrath-Last-Night:

Colleagues A and B, who are my cubicle neighbours, were jesting about me and him one fine day after lunch. They tried to start a rumour about us, but failing rather terribly with his remark that followed,

"Wahlau HER? Compared to (another ex-colleague), she can stand to one corner! (i.e. no room to even compete, i.e. ex-colleague is way better than me)"

Though I appeared to not to hear that and was focusing on the screen in front of me, the damage's done. Colleagues A and B tried to diffuse the situation by chiding him. I pretended not have heard anything.

Alas, I don't like hanging out with people who makes me feel undeserved/lousy/undesirable. Until the next saving grace (like him learning common courtesies and respect for FRIENDS), i guess I'd have to let this "friendship" chill for now.