Last Night

Muse: One of those times which got me thinking...



I don't know what to make of last night.

You know those times, when you think 'Am I missing out on something'? I felt that way all through the night. Didn't feel like talking much. Was retreating very often into the invisible safety bubble that I create when I feel out of place...

Perhaps it comes with the realization that something (or someone) has crossed the line. I'm one of those who'll make themselves scarce if not needed. It's totally subjective, I agree. But I'm not the type to fight for someone's attention. During the movie, I leant as far as I could away from them. Hugged my bag and just zoned out into my own world where I don't have to care about human courtesies... not feel anything for anyone... nor be affected by anything around me at all.

I dunno man..
Maybe I'm in a zen-like state now. Don't wanna get myself bothered with the nuances and complications that occur among people...... Hence the self-isolating when I feel myself getting too affected by certain individuals.

But is it?

Or it could be due to certain expectations not met. False-hopes-turn-to-naught kinda thing? Maybe I have crossed the line, hence thinking more than usual. When in fact, the real puppet master is Emotions after all.

Maybe...

It could also be a simple case of misread. Misreading someone's worries about certain topics that I thought concerns me.....

Whichever the case, Last Night made me realize it might not be me after all..
Made me realize there are so many other possibilities that I'm not a subset of.. even if I'd hoped I am a part of everything. However small that part may be.......
Made me realize whatever I share and hold dear with someone is possible between that individual and others too.... that No one is unique to Anyone.

And that I may be just a piece of log that happened to be around for someone stranded out in the open seas...

It's time to pull the brakes while I still can.